Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to start your BIFFs. If you don't know what that means, please, pat yourself on the back.
What is the BIFF you might wonder? BIFF stands for the Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title bestowed annually upon the Cougar newcomer anticipated to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSL's horrendous articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.
But that's only part of the equation. Dumb things like appearance (yes for afros, no for mustaches), jersey number (#11 is my favorite), what high school did they attend (Granger alums advance automatically to semi-final consideration), and what nicknames could they develop matter to me more than they should, which is how I could once award the 2004 BIFF to Kyle Luekenga instead of Ray Feinga; the 2007 BIFF to Mitch Payne instead of Harvey Unga; or the 2014 BIFF to Trey Dye instead of Fred Warner. But hey what's the fun in being right?
As Rafiki once said, "It is time". As usual we'll address the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's BIFF.
For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.
What is the BIFF you might wonder? BIFF stands for the Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title bestowed annually upon the Cougar newcomer anticipated to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSL's horrendous articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.
But that's only part of the equation. Dumb things like appearance (yes for afros, no for mustaches), jersey number (#11 is my favorite), what high school did they attend (Granger alums advance automatically to semi-final consideration), and what nicknames could they develop matter to me more than they should, which is how I could once award the 2004 BIFF to Kyle Luekenga instead of Ray Feinga; the 2007 BIFF to Mitch Payne instead of Harvey Unga; or the 2014 BIFF to Trey Dye instead of Fred Warner. But hey what's the fun in being right?
As Rafiki once said, "It is time". As usual we'll address the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's BIFF.
For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
Note #1: No BIFF was chosen in 2020 since I didn't know if the season was going to be played and I was all written out due to the BYU fantasy draft. Had I chosen a 2020 BIFF it would have been Kody Epps (the correct choice would have been Isaac Rex). In 2021 I would have chosen Chase Roberts (not knowing he wouldn't end up playing much). The correct choice probably would have been Campbell Barrington.
2015
2016
2017
2018
Note #2: Historically I've tried to make this blog post clever (I stress the word tried, not accomplished). Today it is unlikely I will be struck with genius (by genius, I mean something I think is funny that no one else does) because all of my creative thought is being pipelined into a Young Men's movie about a teen who steals pizza from children and yes I am aware of how stupid that sounds but just trust me when I say Pizza Protection III The Final Slice has high potential. Here's what critics said about the second installment, in case you're curious:
Ok, on to the post!
Tier Zero -- The "I sound like a belong at BYU" crew
DB Evan Johnson -- We covered Evan last year when he was the sole contender for most BYU-sounding name among freshman. This year he has competition in the form of ...
WR Jake Hill -- Would it shock you to hear that Jake Hill is white? Or that he is from a high school with the word snow in it? I didn't think so. Would it shock you to hear that his BYU-sounding-name peer Evan Johnson is not white? It sure shocked me!
Evan sounds like my kind of guy: he worked at a Boys and Girls club (I worked at one in college); he speaks Spanish (I speak Spanish); he likes Madden (I like Madden); his father's name is Ron (my son's name is Bron); he considers himself a professional ping pong player (I consider myself a professional bad blog writer). Because of these similarities I vote Evan for most BYU-sounding name of the 2022 class. Props as well to Evan for being listed as the backup corner behind Jakob Robinson. Sadly it's not enough to win the BIFF this year, sorry mate.
Tier I -- Players with Great Names
WR JoJo Phillips -- I assess the greatness of names like all of you do. I picture myself sitting in the stadium, feeling a bit disturbed at how quickly I ate that Cougar Tail I said I would only have a few bites of, when suddenly I see a streak of royal down the sidelines. The ball is in the air, I rise from my seat, my knees bumping the oversized gentlesir sitting in front of me. The pass lands in the receivers hands, I scream in pure joy at the top of my lungs, "JoJo!!!!!!!!"
My only concern with JoJo is can he succeed as a giant? He's 6' 5", and I'm often skeptical that so much body can get open with fluidity. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe like a Mitch Mathews he can just elevate over the extremely close coverage and make plays.
DB Chika Ebunoha -- Like JoJo, or dare I say Jimmer before it, yelling the name Chika strikes me as fun. Chika I learn from the BYU website, is short for Chikaodinaka, which translated from Nigerian means "In God's Hands". How fitting that he plays safety, for if there is one position that is currently being put in God's hands, it's that one.
RB Nukuluve Helu -- Do people call him Nuke? They must, right? It's not often that the low-hanging nickname is in fact the best nickname, but I think in this case I have no qualms with it. Unfortunately for Nuke -- but fortunate for us -- the running back room is stacked so we may not get to scream this name too often this year.
Tier II -- You Remind Me of a TV Show
DE Bodie Schoonover -- The Wire was the show that first introduced me to the name Bodie. From Bodie's wiki page we read the following (minor spoiler, beware): "Bodie is an intelligent and disciplined lieutenant, showing strong loyalty to the Barksdale Organization even after most of its members are imprisoned or killed." I think we could tweak that same phrase for the BYU Bodie: "Bodie is an intelligent and disciplined lineman, showing strong loyalty to the BYU organization even after most of its lineman are imprisoned in the drop eight alignment or killed from Ilaisa Tuiaki-induced boredom". Bodie from The Wire became a fan favorite. I hope the same for Bodie from BYU.
TE Jackson Bowers -- There's a lot of Jackson on the team this year (Jackson Cravens, Fisher Jackson, Jackson Bowers) but only one with the last name Bowers, which reminds me of (deep breath) my girlfriend's roommate's one-time boyfriend Bill Bowers, of who Nathan and I once wrote a song with the chorus, "Do you have the will powers, to resist Bill Bowers?" We also photoshopped him into the roommate's laptop background family photo. Good times.
But enough of that distraction. Jackson Bowers reminds me of Austin Powers. There's the rhyming name of course, but also the fact that he plays tight end which, duh, any tight end jokes you can think of would fit nicely into the Austin Powers franchise. Also he has a look that I think would fit nicely into a future film.
And Austin Powers inspired the Green Bay Packers offense once upon a time so maybe it can do wonders for us as well? I'm so pumped for this dude. I think he has a huge future. Unfortunately this year there may not be a clear enough path to playing time to take home the BIFF prize.
LB Kason Krebs -- I saw this name and said, who? Then I thought of Mr. Krabs from Spongebob and laughed.
Tier III -- Los Pollos Hermanos
DB Preston Rex -- Will he be as good as his brother? Considering Isaac is threatening the record books I say no.
LB Ace Kaufusi -- Will he be as good as his myriad cousins? He's versatile, speedy, and well-sized so I say maybe.
P/K Landon Rehkow -- Will he be as good as his brother? His BYU profile claims he has bowled five perfect games and I trust anyone who is good at bowling so I say yes.
Tier IV -- The Power 5 Castoffs
LB Harrison Taggart -- Another casualty of the Tuiaki school of "Don't recruit a player who has more than 1 offer", it's good to see this local kid make his way back home. What's not to like about a 4-star, two-time state champ with offers from the USCs, Oregons, and -- checks notes -- Florida Atlantics of the world? You mean to tell me Florida Atlantic offered this guy and we didn't? What a weird defensive staff we used to have. What was the meeting discussing Taggart like?
Defensive Assistant: Hey coach, there's this kid at Corner Canyon who is rated the 35th best linebacker in the country. When should we go see him?
Defensive Coordinator: You know, we're good actually.
Defensive Assistant: Uh ... ok. You know Corner Canyon is like 20 minutes from here right?
Defensive Coordinator: Not interested.
DB Marcus McKenzie -- We loved his father. We love the rumors of the son's speed. He plays a position of frequent need. He's listed a bit down the depth chart and is rumored to be redshirting this season. Whenever he plays, I'll be ready.
RB LJ Martin -- The darling of fall camp, this would be our BIFF Champion were it not for the next name on the list. I think this is the most hype I've heard for a freshman since the Matt Bushman days (and the Austin Collie days before that). But how do we get him on the field when the stable of running backs looks so stacked? (Don't worry, I knocked on wood immediately after this)
Tier V - Hail, Our 2023 BIFF
DB Raider Damuni -- If it feels like we've been waiting a while for this guy, well, yeah even by BYU standards this has been a journey. Remember 2017? That's when Raider pledged to play for BYU. He was in 8th grade then; he's back from a mission now. He steps into a position that has been knocked upside down with the Micah Harper injury and a few years of recruiting ho hummery.
He's listed as a second string “OR” on the depth chart but I think if your named after one of the best movies of all time; if you've loved BYU and dreamed of playing there your whole life; if you have a nepotistic inside track to playing time courtesy of your father; if the band has the potential to play the Indiana Jones theme after every tackle -- "dun duh dundun, dun duh dunnnn" -- you are going to be my BIFF.
Congrats Raider. Do better than Dallin Holker please.
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