If you’re new to this space the term BIFF stands for Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title bestowed annually upon the Cougar newcomer anticipated to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSL's horrendous articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.
Let it be known this has been a tough year for BIFFing. The Cougarboard insiders have retreated and the stealth twitter videographers are nowhere to be seen. How is one expected to look into the future without being able to overreact to the customary fall camp tidbits? More than ever I am forced to rely on the intangibles: hairstyles, jersey number, high school location, and comedy of name.
Let's get to it. As always we'll first run through the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's BIFF.
For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.
2014
2015
2016
Tier I -- "Maybe we'll see you in the UMass game"
DB Tavita Gagnier -- Imagine your last name starts with the word 'gag'. Now imagine you're from Tooele. Now ask yourself, is it possible to earn the title of BIFF with those two characteristics? It is not.
DB Javelle Brown -- The good? His name kind of reminds you of LaVell Edwards. The bad? His name reminds you more of Javale Mcgee, lead actor in this historic highlight video.
DB Will Watanabe -- This guy's name is so close to being Will What-a-nube and surely that can't be good. Is nube the same as noob? Does asking that make one a noob/nube? Either way I interpret this as a below average sign for Will's prospects.
OL Jacob Smith -- Do you think BYU coaches watched film on this guy or like the Jazz do you think they just auto-picked him based on the whiteness of his name? Jacob, if you're looking to build your street cred I'd tell people I was from Rose Park instead of Rosemount. I know you're not from around here so just trust me on this one.
Tier II -- Possible Contributors
Long Snapper Britton Hogan -- Hogan, really? Makes me miss my best bud and 2018 BIFF legend Dallin Holker more than ever :(
RB Sione Finau -- The lesser of the Finau clan -- all hail Tony -- may your ankles remain located at all times and may your holes in one be confined solely to the golf course and not when blocking for Zach.
RB Morgan Pyper -- Parents are Ion and Darla. Unrelated but did you know Morgan Pyper was born in 1951?
TE Hank Tuipolutu -- This one hurts. Hank was a clear front runner pre-injury. The heritage, the one-handed highlight, the positional need. Blast it all.
LB Brock Bastian -- I dated a girl named Brooke Bastian for a couple of years. Is this her male counterpart? Her bizarro world equivalent? I'm confused.
DB Jaylon Vickers -- I once dated a girl whose last name is Vickers. Keep in mind I went on about 6 dates in my life. The BIFF is taking a weird turn.
DB Hayden Livingston -- This sounds like the name of a girl I would like to have dated. Last year QB Stacy Connor took home the prize for best girl name on the team, and Hayden takes it this year. What are the all-time girl named performers in BYU history? Why I'm glad you asked. Presenting an impromptu ranking
Best BYU players with a girl name:
#1. Jan Jorgensen
#2. Jamie Cook
#3. Courtney Rogers
#4. Shirley Christensen
#5. Regan Andrews
It wouldn't take much for Hayden to vault up this list. Right now he's buried on the depth chart behind Austin Kafentzis who gets punted from one position to the next every year and Sawyer Powell, who debuted in the Crowton era and is only allowed to play in blowouts (of his 25 career tackles, 17 have come against UMass, Washington, Utah State, and West Kentucky). I like Hayden's chances to contribute as a freshman quite a lot, but there are others I like more.
Tier III The Likely Contributors
The MLB trio: Keenan Pili, Jackson Kaufusi, Payton Wilgar -- So let me see if I have this straight. Last year we started a 3rd round draft pick at MLB. This year we still haven't decided between three freshman, one of which had some nice offers (Pili with offers from Cal, Wazzu, Vanderbilt, and Utah) and one of which was a walk-on (Wilgar). They say if you have two quarterbacks you have zero quarterbacks. Does the same apply to linebacker?
OL Coach Eric Mateos -- Frankly if I weighed a few hundred pounds and lived the offensive line life I'd want the words 'rice' and 'meats' to be prominently couched in my first and last name as well.
WR Brayden Cosper -- Am I off base or does Cosper hold a resemblance to Steve "The Hair" Harrington?
WR Keanu Hill -- Here things are starting to get interesting. In Hill we have the ever enticing dual minority, and more than a few fall camp tweets worth getting excited over. His heritage is bonkers and has been well documented. What holds him back from achieving BIFFdom? Two issues.
1) He's already banged up and he hasn't played a game yet.
2) Harris LaChance exists.
Tier IV-- The 2019 BIFF Winner
OL Harris LaChance -- What's so great about Harris?
A few things stand out, first of which is himself. At 6'8" 305 pounds, can we all officially celebrate being done with the skinny lineman experiment of the Bronco era? Praise Hoge! Second, his mom's last name is McDermaid. What is that? I'm not sure but it obviously sounds like mermaid and that's a pretty sweet last name. Third, he's willing to sacrifice his body for a cause. And finally, check out his profile on BYU Cougars.
"Has two siblings???" That's the best tidbit the media crew can come up with? You can interpret this one of two ways. Either Harris is boring and has no hobbies or ... Harris cares so much about football that he has nothing else in his life. And that's a great thing! Giving all you got to the sport is fine by me Mr. McDermaid.
But height, single-mindedness, and a cool mom does not alone merit a BIFF title. LaChance is working his way into the starting lineup of what is being called the best BYU offensive line of at least the last 10 seasons. While I doubt this line lives up to the hype (I for one still recall all too vividly the final play of the Boise State game where their 4-man rush swiftly defeated our 8-man blocking scheme), I do think this will be a better line and I do think LaChance will be a key cog. And what evidence do I have to support that belief? Enter Rafiki.
The name Harris LaChance, while seemingly inconspicuous on its own, needs only a slight rearranging to reveal some very interest foretellings. For example, a quick scrambling of letters turns Harris LaChance into ... "his arce can harl", which sounds like someone put the phrase "his ass can haul" into a redneck translator. Scramble the letters again and the name turns into ... "a harsh clirance" which looks a lot like the words "a harsh clearance" spelled by a University of Utah student. But what does this all mean? Names and their derivatives are important!
Remember Tejan Koroma? His obvious nickname from day one, that alas never caught on despite my many efforts, was TKO. And that's what he did! He knocked people out. He was the 2nd best center in the country in 2016! It was clear from his name alone that he had greatness coming.
Back to Harris. Here we have an o-lineman whose very name foretells an ability to haul ass! Here we have an o-lineman whose very name suggests that reaching clearance will be a harsh proposition for anyone who dares attempt to rush past him! Speed and blocking prowess! This is what dreams are made of. This is what offensive lines are made of. This is what 2019 BIFFs are made of.
Tier IV-- The 2019 BIFF Winner
OL Harris LaChance -- What's so great about Harris?
A few things stand out, first of which is himself. At 6'8" 305 pounds, can we all officially celebrate being done with the skinny lineman experiment of the Bronco era? Praise Hoge! Second, his mom's last name is McDermaid. What is that? I'm not sure but it obviously sounds like mermaid and that's a pretty sweet last name. Third, he's willing to sacrifice his body for a cause. And finally, check out his profile on BYU Cougars.
"Has two siblings???" That's the best tidbit the media crew can come up with? You can interpret this one of two ways. Either Harris is boring and has no hobbies or ... Harris cares so much about football that he has nothing else in his life. And that's a great thing! Giving all you got to the sport is fine by me Mr. McDermaid.
But height, single-mindedness, and a cool mom does not alone merit a BIFF title. LaChance is working his way into the starting lineup of what is being called the best BYU offensive line of at least the last 10 seasons. While I doubt this line lives up to the hype (I for one still recall all too vividly the final play of the Boise State game where their 4-man rush swiftly defeated our 8-man blocking scheme), I do think this will be a better line and I do think LaChance will be a key cog. And what evidence do I have to support that belief? Enter Rafiki.
The name Harris LaChance, while seemingly inconspicuous on its own, needs only a slight rearranging to reveal some very interest foretellings. For example, a quick scrambling of letters turns Harris LaChance into ... "his arce can harl", which sounds like someone put the phrase "his ass can haul" into a redneck translator. Scramble the letters again and the name turns into ... "a harsh clirance" which looks a lot like the words "a harsh clearance" spelled by a University of Utah student. But what does this all mean? Names and their derivatives are important!
Remember Tejan Koroma? His obvious nickname from day one, that alas never caught on despite my many efforts, was TKO. And that's what he did! He knocked people out. He was the 2nd best center in the country in 2016! It was clear from his name alone that he had greatness coming.
Back to Harris. Here we have an o-lineman whose very name foretells an ability to haul ass! Here we have an o-lineman whose very name suggests that reaching clearance will be a harsh proposition for anyone who dares attempt to rush past him! Speed and blocking prowess! This is what dreams are made of. This is what offensive lines are made of. This is what 2019 BIFFs are made of.
I approve this message! Very well done, sir.
ReplyDelete