Allow me to start with this sad piece of news. The 2018 BIFF lacks luster when compared to the 2017 discovery of ManBush, my favorite nickname to date of any BYU player past or present. Last year was a fluke, a once-in-a-lifetime-happening, an event never to be repeated. Let’s hope we can say the same about last year’s football team too, am I right? Welcome to the 2018 BIFF: may the corny jokes begin!!
If you’re new to this space the term BIFF stands for Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title awarded annually upon the Cougar newcomer anticipated to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSLs articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.
Ah, who am I kidding? This prediction is usually based on useless indicators such as family pedigree, jersey number, hair style, coolness of name, home state, nickname potential, high school origin, and most importantly, any and all random connections I manage to pull out of thin air. Relying on these non-predictive factors would explain how I once chose O’Neill Chambers for BIFF instead of Matt Reynolds. Whoops.
Let's hope this year isn't quite as disastrous. For prior editions look below. Otherwise, let's get to it.
2014
2015
2016
2017
WR Brayden Cosper -- For what it’s worth a South Jordan old-timer told me that Cosper was one of the best receivers he's ever seen in his 60-plus years of watching Bingham football. I trust old-timers, and am appropriately encouraged. Unfortunately, the fall reports -- or rather the lack thereof -- do not support this claim.
QBs Jaren Hall and Zach Wilson -- If chiseled looks are an indicator of success at the QB position (see Tom Brady, Steve Young, Russel Wilson, Taysom Hill) then our outlook is trending nicely for the next few years. The infamous story of taking two college cheerleaders to a high school prom never happens if Zach Wilson looks like a Travis Wilson. And while Jaren has no claim to fame to match Zach, based on his skin tone and hair I'm going to guess he's doing just fine in the courting department. As far as football goes, I like both players but I’ve written in length elsewhere that the best thing in 2018 will be to redshirt these fellows. If Zach Wilson really is that good, then let’s use him when our team is actually good, or at least better (which should be the case in 2019).
OL Clark Barrington -- Look, there aren’t a lot of successful Clarks floating around out there. You have Clark Grizwold and you have Clark Westerfeld, one of Philip Jenning’s key alter egos in The Americans … and that’s it. It’s not all doom and gloom for Clark though. He’s from Spokane, the hometown of you-know-who and he sports #56, the jersey number of the legend Tejan Koroma. He could get some play.
DB D’Angelo Mandell -- Look, there aren’t a lot of successful D’Angelo’s floating around out there. You have D’Angelo Vickers and you have D’Angelo Barksdale, both of whom tapped out of their respective TV series rather quickly. It’s not all doom and gloom for D’Angelo though. He’s 6’1” and belongs to a position that seems to be a revolving door of opportunity. He could get some play.
K Skyler Southam -- I picked a kicker as BIFF once before and it didn't work out well. Speaking of kickers, do you remember that we missed a 28-yard field goal against Utah last year? Did you know we're an incomprehensibly bad 8 for 15 on field goal tries against Utah during the 7 game losing streak? Did you know we haven't made a 50-yard field goal in 12 seasons? Did you know that our kickers struggle to simply keep their balance when trying field goals? We desperately need Southam to be as good as his recruiting ranking suggests. That being said, is it a bad sign when you scramble the letters in Skyler Southam's name you get the following question: R U lame, Skyshot? I’m hoping the answer to that question is no.
OL/DL Keanu Saleapaga -- We enjoy USC leftovers. When Uona Kaveinga transferred from LA to Provo he became a key member of the 2012 defense that held Utah and Boise State to a combined 17 points. Of course we lost both those games because our offense this decade has been puke, but that’s another blog for another day. Here’s to hoping Keanu helps our offense score more than 10 points against UMass this year.
DB Koy Harris --After the USU debacle of last year I’m a little gunshy when it comes to the name Koy. Let’s talk in 2019 Mr. Harris.
DL Darius McFarland -- Unlike his namesake Jack McFarland, I don’t see Darius playing the field much this year unless disaster strikes our defensive line. I don’t want disaster to strike our defensive line, so as a hedge shall we all agree Darius won’t play enough this year to merit serious BIFF consideration?
RBs Sione Finau and Zach Katoa -- Three months ago I thought Beau Hoge would be the starting QB this year. Then he got moved to running back. That does not give me a lot of faith in anyone on the running back circuit, including the Finau/Katoa duo.
LB Christian Folau -- Boasting offers from Oklahoma State, Wisconsin, Utah, Cal, Stanford, Washington, and Vanderbilt (lol), Folau is one of three youngsters I expect to play numerous snaps this season, with a chance to make a realistic BIFF impact. I suspect his impact will not be as meaningful however as the role of …
WR Gunner Romney -- Woooo boy did you ever show up at the right time Gunner. This team needs an infusion of talent in the receiving realm as much as any we’ve seen since 2010 when JJ DiLuigi led the team in catches. Gunner’s recruiting ranking is solid and the offer list compelling, while the comparisons to Austin Collie are both tantalizing and downright sacrilegious. But there are concerns here that prevent me from awarding Gunner the BIFF prize. We seem to have an alarming number of highly touted recruits get (and stay) injured and wouldn’t you know it Gunner has been held out for almost all of fall camp. Also, I knew a guy on my mission named Romney who outlawed his junior companion from listening to church hymns because it made him “too happy.” I’ve never liked the name since, so let’s just all refer to #18 as Gunner. Or the 2018 BIFF runner up. Your choice.
And thus we come to the 2018 BIFF. Drumroll …
TE Dallin Holker
What does Dallin have going for him? Just about everything. Our last player with the first name Dallin was an absolute treat, entertaining when he played for us, even more entertaining when he played against us, and even more entertaining when he played random games of no consequence. Naming rights aside, the new Dallin has been praised by coaches all camp, plus he averaged 8 catches and 127 yards per game over his last two years at Lehi. For comparison, our best player last year (Manbush!!!) averaged 4 catches and 40 yards per game. Holker also played high school basketball and heaven knows the history of basketball playing tight ends is glorious.
Now put all that aside because the greatest foreteller of Dallin's potential is his soon-to-be-announced nickname. Stick with me as we take a turn down the wrestling road for a moment.
Are you familiar with Andre the Giant? Professional wrestler, cleared rooms with farts, looked like a giant? If not, you should consider dialing up HBO's documentary on the fellow. I recently watched it when I got to thinking …
Andre the Giant was a lumpy-faced, beer-guzzler who didn't finish high school and was best known for passing out and pooping in places that weren't bathrooms. Does that by chance remind you of any college fan base you know?
Andre the Giant was also large, athletic, fueled by excessive amounts of growth hormone, and the owner of a 14-year undefeated streak against his rivals. Does that by chance remind you of any college football team you know?
Methinks the University of Utah is Andre the Giant.
So uh … why does this matter? Because Hulk Hogan eventually broke the streak. Hogan bodyslammed the Giant at WrestleMania III, ending Andre's 14-year undefeated reign, and elevating Hulkamania to its highest peak.
WR Brayden Cosper -- For what it’s worth a South Jordan old-timer told me that Cosper was one of the best receivers he's ever seen in his 60-plus years of watching Bingham football. I trust old-timers, and am appropriately encouraged. Unfortunately, the fall reports -- or rather the lack thereof -- do not support this claim.
QBs Jaren Hall and Zach Wilson -- If chiseled looks are an indicator of success at the QB position (see Tom Brady, Steve Young, Russel Wilson, Taysom Hill) then our outlook is trending nicely for the next few years. The infamous story of taking two college cheerleaders to a high school prom never happens if Zach Wilson looks like a Travis Wilson. And while Jaren has no claim to fame to match Zach, based on his skin tone and hair I'm going to guess he's doing just fine in the courting department. As far as football goes, I like both players but I’ve written in length elsewhere that the best thing in 2018 will be to redshirt these fellows. If Zach Wilson really is that good, then let’s use him when our team is actually good, or at least better (which should be the case in 2019).
OL Clark Barrington -- Look, there aren’t a lot of successful Clarks floating around out there. You have Clark Grizwold and you have Clark Westerfeld, one of Philip Jenning’s key alter egos in The Americans … and that’s it. It’s not all doom and gloom for Clark though. He’s from Spokane, the hometown of you-know-who and he sports #56, the jersey number of the legend Tejan Koroma. He could get some play.
DB D’Angelo Mandell -- Look, there aren’t a lot of successful D’Angelo’s floating around out there. You have D’Angelo Vickers and you have D’Angelo Barksdale, both of whom tapped out of their respective TV series rather quickly. It’s not all doom and gloom for D’Angelo though. He’s 6’1” and belongs to a position that seems to be a revolving door of opportunity. He could get some play.
K Skyler Southam -- I picked a kicker as BIFF once before and it didn't work out well. Speaking of kickers, do you remember that we missed a 28-yard field goal against Utah last year? Did you know we're an incomprehensibly bad 8 for 15 on field goal tries against Utah during the 7 game losing streak? Did you know we haven't made a 50-yard field goal in 12 seasons? Did you know that our kickers struggle to simply keep their balance when trying field goals? We desperately need Southam to be as good as his recruiting ranking suggests. That being said, is it a bad sign when you scramble the letters in Skyler Southam's name you get the following question: R U lame, Skyshot? I’m hoping the answer to that question is no.
OL/DL Keanu Saleapaga -- We enjoy USC leftovers. When Uona Kaveinga transferred from LA to Provo he became a key member of the 2012 defense that held Utah and Boise State to a combined 17 points. Of course we lost both those games because our offense this decade has been puke, but that’s another blog for another day. Here’s to hoping Keanu helps our offense score more than 10 points against UMass this year.
DB Koy Harris --After the USU debacle of last year I’m a little gunshy when it comes to the name Koy. Let’s talk in 2019 Mr. Harris.
DL Darius McFarland -- Unlike his namesake Jack McFarland, I don’t see Darius playing the field much this year unless disaster strikes our defensive line. I don’t want disaster to strike our defensive line, so as a hedge shall we all agree Darius won’t play enough this year to merit serious BIFF consideration?
RBs Sione Finau and Zach Katoa -- Three months ago I thought Beau Hoge would be the starting QB this year. Then he got moved to running back. That does not give me a lot of faith in anyone on the running back circuit, including the Finau/Katoa duo.
LB Christian Folau -- Boasting offers from Oklahoma State, Wisconsin, Utah, Cal, Stanford, Washington, and Vanderbilt (lol), Folau is one of three youngsters I expect to play numerous snaps this season, with a chance to make a realistic BIFF impact. I suspect his impact will not be as meaningful however as the role of …
WR Gunner Romney -- Woooo boy did you ever show up at the right time Gunner. This team needs an infusion of talent in the receiving realm as much as any we’ve seen since 2010 when JJ DiLuigi led the team in catches. Gunner’s recruiting ranking is solid and the offer list compelling, while the comparisons to Austin Collie are both tantalizing and downright sacrilegious. But there are concerns here that prevent me from awarding Gunner the BIFF prize. We seem to have an alarming number of highly touted recruits get (and stay) injured and wouldn’t you know it Gunner has been held out for almost all of fall camp. Also, I knew a guy on my mission named Romney who outlawed his junior companion from listening to church hymns because it made him “too happy.” I’ve never liked the name since, so let’s just all refer to #18 as Gunner. Or the 2018 BIFF runner up. Your choice.
And thus we come to the 2018 BIFF. Drumroll …
TE Dallin Holker
What does Dallin have going for him? Just about everything. Our last player with the first name Dallin was an absolute treat, entertaining when he played for us, even more entertaining when he played against us, and even more entertaining when he played random games of no consequence. Naming rights aside, the new Dallin has been praised by coaches all camp, plus he averaged 8 catches and 127 yards per game over his last two years at Lehi. For comparison, our best player last year (Manbush!!!) averaged 4 catches and 40 yards per game. Holker also played high school basketball and heaven knows the history of basketball playing tight ends is glorious.
Now put all that aside because the greatest foreteller of Dallin's potential is his soon-to-be-announced nickname. Stick with me as we take a turn down the wrestling road for a moment.
Are you familiar with Andre the Giant? Professional wrestler, cleared rooms with farts, looked like a giant? If not, you should consider dialing up HBO's documentary on the fellow. I recently watched it when I got to thinking …
Andre the Giant was a lumpy-faced, beer-guzzler who didn't finish high school and was best known for passing out and pooping in places that weren't bathrooms. Does that by chance remind you of any college fan base you know?
Andre the Giant was also large, athletic, fueled by excessive amounts of growth hormone, and the owner of a 14-year undefeated streak against his rivals. Does that by chance remind you of any college football team you know?
Methinks the University of Utah is Andre the Giant.
So uh … why does this matter? Because Hulk Hogan eventually broke the streak. Hogan bodyslammed the Giant at WrestleMania III, ending Andre's 14-year undefeated reign, and elevating Hulkamania to its highest peak.
All of which is important because Hulk Hogan (and the many derivatives of the Hulk Hogan persona) is the obvious nickname for Dallin Holker! Holkermania rolls off the tongue perfectly, "He's Hulking up!!" would be fun to yell after every big catch, fans could both hide their bald spots and pay tribute to the Hulk/Holker by wearing bandanas, and the nickname fits the storyline of a great tight end rising up in dramatic fashion to break the winning streak of our enemy, which is something BYU fans know a little something about.
Is this a bit of a stretch? Certainly. But can you blame me? Life for the BYU faithful has been weird lately. Had you told me in 2009 that over the next 7 games against Utah years we’d turn the ball over 25 times and that six of those would go for touchdowns … had you told me we’d miss 3 game-winning/tying field goals or trail 35-0 in one quarter or only get 3 PI calls in 7 games against Utah … had you told me that in 2010, 2012, 2013, 2015, 2016, and 2017 Utah would score a COMBINED 3 TDs on drives that started on their own side of the field and we’d still lose all those games ... well I’d have called that a stretch.11. All of which I would have believed more readily than hearing our best QB of the decade would get 3 season-ending injuries all against the same team and twice from the same player. Seriously, what was up with that? But somehow that all happened. All of it. Maybe watching Holkermania unfold as Dallin becomes a Ute-killing legend can too. Besides, the last time we added the word ‘mania’ to a BYU athlete’s career, it turned out pretty well.
Is this a bit of a stretch? Certainly. But can you blame me? Life for the BYU faithful has been weird lately. Had you told me in 2009 that over the next 7 games against Utah years we’d turn the ball over 25 times and that six of those would go for touchdowns … had you told me we’d miss 3 game-winning/tying field goals or trail 35-0 in one quarter or only get 3 PI calls in 7 games against Utah … had you told me that in 2010, 2012, 2013, 2015, 2016, and 2017 Utah would score a COMBINED 3 TDs on drives that started on their own side of the field and we’d still lose all those games ... well I’d have called that a stretch.11. All of which I would have believed more readily than hearing our best QB of the decade would get 3 season-ending injuries all against the same team and twice from the same player. Seriously, what was up with that? But somehow that all happened. All of it. Maybe watching Holkermania unfold as Dallin becomes a Ute-killing legend can too. Besides, the last time we added the word ‘mania’ to a BYU athlete’s career, it turned out pretty well.
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