-- Welcome to the Bear era
This does not strike me as an amazing year for freshman contributions - albeit with one obvious caveat we'll see at the bottom of this post.
But comparing to 2024, where Faletau Satuala, Sione Moa, Tommy Prassas, Ryner Swanson, Pokaiaua Haunga (RIP), JoJo Phillips, and even Cannon Skidmore -- the jokes write themselves -- all got playing time, I'm not sure we'll see as many clear contributors this year.
And yes, I will be using em dashes liberally throughout this blog. AI be damned! Continue to preach the good word brother Phillips.
What is the BIFF you might wonder? BIFF stands for the Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title bestowed annually upon the Cougar newcomer I project to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSL's horrendous articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.
But that's only part of the equation. Dumb things like appearance (yes for afros, no for mustaches), jersey number (#11 is my favorite), what high school did they attend (Granger alums advance automatically to semi-final consideration), and what nicknames could they develop matter to me more than they should, which is how I could once award the 2007 BIFF to Mitch Payne instead of Harvey Unga, or the 2014 BIFF to Trey Dye instead of Fred Warner. But hey what's the fun in being right?
As Rafiki once said, "It is time". As usual we'll address the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's very, very obvious BIFF.
For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.
But that's only part of the equation. Dumb things like appearance (yes for afros, no for mustaches), jersey number (#11 is my favorite), what high school did they attend (Granger alums advance automatically to semi-final consideration), and what nicknames could they develop matter to me more than they should, which is how I could once award the 2007 BIFF to Mitch Payne instead of Harvey Unga, or the 2014 BIFF to Trey Dye instead of Fred Warner. But hey what's the fun in being right?
As Rafiki once said, "It is time". As usual we'll address the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's very, very obvious BIFF.
For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
Let's get to it.
The Next Man Up in the Cannon Chronicles
DB Cannon DeVries did it all in high school:
148 tackles
16 interceptions
5 pick sixes
112 receptions, 1892 yards, 22 TDs
66 rushes 612 yards 7 TDs
2 punt return TDs
1 kick return TD
Played basketball and track
And importantly, he did it with a last name that isn't Skidmore! I also like how he describes himself as hailing from North Ogden, as if that dismisses the Ogdenlyness of his origin. I should tell people I'm from east West Valley.
I hope the coaches and decision makers that have led to this change don't leave anytime soon.
2015
2016
2017
2018
The Next Man Up in the Cannon Chronicles
DB Cannon DeVries did it all in high school:
148 tackles
16 interceptions
5 pick sixes
112 receptions, 1892 yards, 22 TDs
66 rushes 612 yards 7 TDs
2 punt return TDs
1 kick return TD
Played basketball and track
And importantly, he did it with a last name that isn't Skidmore! I also like how he describes himself as hailing from North Ogden, as if that dismisses the Ogdenlyness of his origin. I should tell people I'm from east West Valley.
The Founding Father
OL Brigham Alexander - I wanted to award Brigham the most BYU name of the year prize, but when you realize he attended Benjamin Franklin High school and his last name is Alexander and he's from John Adams, Pennsylvania, you realize his scope extends beyond just BYU. Alas, one of the above facts is not true.
You Could be Girls
LB Berkley Alfrey - Is this guy the brother of Talon Alfrey? Imagine being the next child in that family. You have one brother named after a bird's finger nail and another brother named after a girl. Dangerous waters to be born into.
P Fuller Shurtz - I mean, this name doesn't scream girl, but it sure does scream porn star, as was pointed out by twitter user @KMDINUT and first made common by the podfather Bill Simmons.
DB Jordyn Criss - Why did his parents spell his name the girl way? Or did they purposefully avoid the spelling of "Jordan" because of a dislike of Michaell Jordan? If it's the latter, I'm with you amigos.
The Descendants
LB Tyler Payne & RB Logan Payne - behold the sons of the famous kicker Matt 'Bring the Pain' Payne. In 2004 I was a freshman in college, and when Matt Payne's kick against Boise State missed I wailed, fell to my knees, tightened my hoodie about my head in the closest way I could come to a hanging, all while making a fool of myself in front of a girl named Charla that I had a major crush on. Between this experience and the time she asked me to show her how to use her to tongue to best blow a bubble from a huge wad of gum -- which I idiotically responded to scientifically rather than romantically -- well, yeah I'm an idiot.
But Matt named his child after a BYU rival's city so I'm not sure he's the smartest either.
Names that are Strangely Appealing
RB Charlie Miska - The famous chant from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, used to bring the Mouskatool to the rescue of the Mickey mates, is sung as follows: Miksa, Muska, Mickey Mouse. My kids have grown out of this show. I feel nostalgic. Let's move on.
S Payton VanSteenkiste - we mentioned him before, but when your last name is VanSteenkiste you get multiple nods in the BIFF.
S Jarinn Kalama - I've never heard of the last name Kalama, but I have heard of the city Calama, which is the driest, deadest, and one of my most favorite mission cities I served in.
DT Maverick McManus - He's from Saratoga Springs and suddenly you realize he was born to alliterate. You can see Mr. Wrubell, live on the mic, shouting, "Mav McManus, the defensive dominator from Saratoga Springs with yet another quarterback clobbering!"
You Remind Me of a TV Show
LB Pierson Watson - Sherlock's sidekick!
DL Hunter Clegg - Kelly Poppinga's (K-Pop's) quarterback hunter!
TE Jacob Nye - The grandson of Bill Nye the Science Guy!
We should pause for one second to remember a very painful quote that Hunter Clegg offered after transferring to BYU.
"BYU isn't the same as when I left my mission; the coaches are as good and committed as anyone. The scheme has changed. The strength program is elite now. The nutrition has changed. BYU football is ready to put in as much work as it takes to become the best team possible and compete."
We've listed 13 players so far and the only I bet will sniff a snap or two is Hunter Clegg. I told you this isn't the strongest year for BIFFings. These next two guys might snag some playing time.
WR Tei Nacua - It's fun for me to be reminded of the Nacua clan. Sampson was the mercenary energizer. Kai was the Boise State basher, and the Miami Beach Bowl legend. And then there was Puka, whose name was so fun to say -- more to come on that below -- and whose talent jumped off the screen so quickly that I correctly called him to be the best BYU WR since Austin Collie in his second game in Cougar blue. I was right. I have oddly low expectations for Tei. I'm not sure why but I can tell in terms of wide receivers I'm more focused on Cody Hagen. Still ... he's on the depth chart, which is more than most of our freshman can say.
TE Noah Moeaki - Carsen Ryan is sure getting a lot of hype for a guy who caught 10 passes last season. Puka caught 14 in one game against Boise State in 2022 for comparison. Ryan has played 29 career games and has 29 career catches. So yeah, my expectations for him are extremely muted this year. I'm guessing somewhere along the line of 19 catches for around 170 yards, maybe 1 or 2 TDs. What does this have to do with Moeaki? I am excited for this youngster. His father (John), uncle (Larry), other uncle (Harvey Effin' Unga), and aunt (Keilani) all played for BYU either in football or basketball. That is a powerful pedigree.
Finally, the BIFF
QB Bear Bachmeier - There's no fun, dramatic reveal this year. We all know who the BIFF is. But there is something fun in his name, you know? If everything about Bear were the same except his parents named him Lewis, I believe he would be 4th string right now. The name is lyrical. In the same way Puka Nacua just rolled happily off the tongue, saying Bear Bachmeier just leaves me feeling satisfied. His name is the equivalent of those Youtube videos where the hydraulic press smashes playdough into those perfect, elongated spaghetti strings.
And are his high school stats real? 6,810 passing yards and 59 touchdowns ... to go alongside 1,724 rushing yards and 33 more touchdowns? His profile says he had 5 runs of 100+ yards which made me doubt all of his stats until I wised up and realized that is 5 games with over 100 yards rushing. Got it. His receiving numbers are embarrassing. 1 catch for 3 yards in his 4 year career.11. Oddly Hillstead's numbers are almost identical. 6,898 with 73 TDs and 1,791 rushing with 35 TDs.
The folktales of his youth carry a hint of Zach Wilson lore. Just as Zach wowed us by taking two college girls to his high school prom, Bear wows us with his ability to dribble between his legs at age 2; with his game-wining free throw performances; with his midnight Karl Malone workouts where he filled a wagon with weights and pulled it up and down his hilly driveway in the middle of the night for hours on end (thanks Jay Drew for uncovering all this, great article).
His brother Hank said it this way: “There are a lot of stories out there about Bear growing up and all the amazing things he did. And all of them are true.”
By the way if you remember the name Hank, he famously beat us in one of the stupidest losses in recent BYU history (vs Boise State '21). In retrospect I'm a little bit happy for him because Hank must have had a tough life: just imagine how it feels to be named Hank when your brothers are named Bear, Tiger, and Cougar.
Speaking of anecdotes, my coworker's friend went to dinner with Greg and Hans and the both of them ranted and raved about Bear's practice performances and personality prowess (Maverick McManus aint the only one who can alliterate).
I think I've underestimated Bear because of all the hype about Ryder "the silencer" Lyons and AJ "#1 pick" Dybantsa. But Bear has the offers; he has the Zach Wilson folklore; the Jim McMahon Catholicism;22. BYU is on a string of non-LDS quarterbacks: Slovis, Retzlaff, Bachmeier, which allegedly ties a span from the mid 90s. the Taysom Hill Stanford roots; the Riley Nelson 'full Nelson' hairdo; the Steve Young running thrills; and, hopefully, the Max Hall clutch gene.
Behold.
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