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August 29, 2024

The 2024 BYU BIFF

-- It's been HOW long since Dumb and Dumber?

Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to start your BIFFs. If you don't know what that means, please, pat yourself on the back.

What is the BIFF you might wonder? BIFF stands for the Best Incoming Freshman Footballer and is a title bestowed annually upon the Cougar newcomer I project to have the best freshman season. The selection process is highly scientific: after dutifully patrolling Twitter and Cougarboard throughout fall camp, investigating each film of practice in the name of Zapruder, and ignoring all of KSL's horrendous articles, I pick a few blades of grass, mash them in a bowl, and like Rafiki before me toss the remnants into the wind as I bestow the title of BIFF on my chosen Freshman.


But that's only part of the equation. Dumb things like appearance (yes for afros, no for mustaches), jersey number (#11 is my favorite), what high school did they attend (Granger alums advance automatically to semi-final consideration), and what nicknames could they develop matter to me more than they should, which is how I could once award the 2007 BIFF to Mitch Payne instead of Harvey Unga, or the 2014 BIFF to Trey Dye instead of Fred Warner. But hey what's the fun in being right?

As Rafiki once said, "It is time". As usual we'll address the candidates who didn't make the cut before dramatically revealing this year's BIFF.

For past BIFF installments, please reference the below.


Tier I - Please Consider Changing Your Name
S Payton VanSteenkiste - BYU is expected to be bad this year. We don't need to make things worse by having a VanSteenky in the fold. 

LS Cannon Skidmore - BYU is expected to be bad this year. We don't need to make things worse by having a Skidmore in the fold. 

OL Joe Brown - This name won't be used as a weapon to make fun of us, as the two above very well should be, but wow is it a boring name. Take it from someone whose name is a very boring Spencer Hansen. By the time you finish saying Joe Brown and Spencer Hansen in your head you could be asleep which would be bad because I need you to finish this article to boost my stats. 

RB Sione I Moa - We already have another Sione Moa on the roster (a linebacker, no middle initial), plus another player with the last name Moa. I'm getting older, I mix up my kids names; I don't need this additional confusion in my life. 

While you're at it Sione, consider changing your hometown as well. I once stopped in Victorville on the way to Disneyland and the city has haunted me ever since as I was caught making out with my girlfriend behind the village gas station. 

OL Kaden Chidester - "The Chidester" actually rolls off the tongue if I'm being honest. But dang it you know I love a good anagram and if I dip into my Steve Rushin fantasies we can rearrange the letters of Kaden Chidester into a much cooler Deikan D Strechie, or as he'd be known on the field, DD Strechie. 


Tier II - I like Your Relatives
OL Joe Brown - Wait, didn't we just ... yeah we did. But Joe Brown merits mention in two spots because his older brother Terrance Brown was a stud offensive lineman in the late 2000s. Sadly Joe is out for the season but I have hopes his genetics can help him ball in the future. 

DE Carson Tujague - The closest I've been to a live college football sideline was the 2013 BYU vs Utah State game where I sat on the 2nd row. That game one coach stood out as a vocal, motivating, engaged presence and it was this guy's dad: Garrett Tujague, who coached our offensive line to decent success and also played in the Ty Detmer era. Unfortunately Carson's recruiting attention primarily came from Navy and Florida International. That's not gonna cut it for BIFF. 

WR Tei Nacua - I never expected Puka Nacua to be a NFL superstar. But I will pat myself on the back for predicting he would enter the "best BYU receivers not named Austin Collie" ranks as early as his second game in a BYU uniform. Tei has the pedigree, but alas he has none of the record breaking production his brother had in high school. My expectations are tapered. 

LB Lucky Finau - Can you really be lucky if all the athletic talent in the family gene pool falls on your golfer cousin Tony? 

WR Dominique McKenzie - I never watched Dom play in high school but he is 5th in Utah history with an enormous career average of 21 yards per reception. What drove that? Did he catch long bombs all day in Gary Crowton's offense? Or was he a yards after the catch merchant? Either skill would be extremely valuable to BYU's offense. In a different era McKenzie, as the son of a legend, would have the scent of BIFF all over him. Unfortunately a stacked wide receiver room is going to keep him from playing meaningful minutes this season. 

Weird aside: Kyle Whittingham has been perving at Utah since 1994. Contrast that with Gary Crowton who since 1994 has coached at Georgia Tech, Louisiana Tech, the Chicago Bears, BYU, Oregon, LSU, Maryland, Canada's Winnipeg Bombers, SUU, Oregon State, Stephen F Austin, and finally Pine View High School. Crowton has lived a thousand lives. 


Tier III - I Don't Like Your Relatives
DE Ephraim Asiata - His dad played for the Utes and sure, that's a dark mark against him as a human, but as a football player it's a good thing because if Ephraim excels it will anger Ute fans and if he fails we can blame it on his upbringing. Win-win!22. BTW, did you see the hype Kelly Poppinga threw Asiata's way, calling him a superior athlete to Kyle Van Noy and Fred Warner? I tell ya, Poppingas say the wildest things. Still, I'm rooting for you Ephraim. West Valley shooting survivors represent.

DE Viliamai Po'uha, Bingham - He followed his defensive line coach dad, Sione Po'uha, from the Utes to BYU and I always find it surprising when players follow their dads around from team to team. Of all the recruiting pitches a school has at their disposal -- weather, NIL, coeds, facilities -- the trump card is being closer to your dad? It's the opposite of most college students who go to school to get away from home.


Tier IV - Wait You're Still a Freshman??
TE Jackson Bowers - There's a lot to like here, from the once-flowing hair to his profile proclamation that he loves McDonalds, to the stacked recruiting interest, to sharing the same last name as last year's tight end cream of the crop Brock Bowers. Alas, he has not cracked the top 4 in the depth chart. No BIFF for you. 

WR JoJo Phillips - There is something about JoJo's aura that is intriguing to me. Check out his high school profile pic on the 247 website. 



There's a swag here - the stylish gaiter on his neck, a very confident gaze, the hair absolutely impeccable. He looks unconcerned. And boy what a name. Doesn't it feel like we'll be talking about the wide receiver from Chatsworth years from now? 

Then after I finished writing I saw the below picture of JoJo and had to reconsider everything. 




RB Pokaiaua Haunga - A fellow who committed to BYU in 2021(!), his mom's name is Kaiiniakapuuwai and his father's name is Manu. Could there be a greater discrepancy between the complexity of one name and the other? This reminds me of those TikToks where the person is reading a fantasy book and one character's name is Rakleysian and the other's name is Todd. 

There are two things that excite me about Haunga. One is the inclusion of the name Unga. Two is the fact that Haunga was a receiver in high school. He has the 4th most receptions in a single game in state of Utah history (16, vs Lone Peak). I would love to see a great pass catching RB in the fold again. 


Tier V - The (Hopefully) Good Defensive Backs
S Tommy Prassas - There's a lot of BIFFyness here. Prassas is from a strong high school with a made-for-TV name (Basha High) that he graduated early from to allow for January enrollment at BYU. He nabbed 3 pics in spring ball and another 2 in fall camp as of this interview with his cousin/uncle(?) Ben Criddle. He enjoys NCAA Football 25. His defensive coordinator said, "I fell in love with the way he plays." He wears the number 22, most recently popularized by stud safety Andrew Rich. He has an honor code compliant smack talk option available to him -- "Kiss my Prass" and from what I've seen of him on the socials he isn't afraid of chatter. He looks thin in the videos I've seen but the signs for success are percolating. 

S Faletau Satuala - The highest rated player from last year's recruiting class, the highest rated player in the state of Utah ... alas he plays the same position as the just-mentioned Prassas. My ho hum guess based on recruiting rankings and depth chart positioning is that Satuala has the superior athleticism while Prassas has a little bit more of the playbook, courtesy the early enrollment. I suspect both guys will get backup snaps, leaving neither of them with a clear path to BIFFdom. 

CB Therrian Alexander III - Tre is a solid nickname. He is tall (6' 2"). He was a sprinter in track. He boasts offers from some P5 schools -- Ole Miss, Georgia Tech, NC State -- and he plays a position that is not deep. I suspect we'll see a decent chunk of him this season but I'm scared to name him BIFF after the last Tre to be named BIFF (Trey Dye) totally hosed me. 


Tier VI - The Runner Up 
WR Cody Hagen - He is all over the state record books:
- 5th in receiving yards in a season (1,804)
- 4th in receiving yards in a career (3,927)
- 4th in receiving TDs in a single season (23)
- 2nd in receiving TDs in a career (51)

The last few guys we've had with that type of profile are Puka Nacua, Dallin Holker, and Chase Roberts. That's tremendous company, especially if Chase can take a leap in his upper classmen years. I'm a sucker for receivers, especially receivers who do this.  
And yet there remains one player I'm more excited for. 


Tier VII - "Samsonite! I Was Way Off!"
TE Ryner Swanson - Swyn, Swanny, Slippy, Slappy, Simmons, Swenson ... Swanson! Ryner Swanson gives me all the good vibes that Dumb and Dumber gave us 30(!!!!) years ago. Consider this DITL of video and tell me Ryner isn't a white Jamaal Williams.

 


He's 17-years old and in college (like Jamaal was), seemingly friends with everyone (like Jamaal was33. This was filmed in April. Swanson had been at BYU for like 12 weeks at this point. How is he palsing around with everybody this quickly?), looks perennially happy (again, Jamaal), has a FBS-ready body despite his youth (again, Jamaal) and is backing up a decent but not special player who switched positions (as Michael Alisa was to Jamaal in 2012). I'm not saying I want Keanu Hill to get injured like Michael Alisa did, but I am saying I'd love to see Swanson have a similar impact as Jamaal had in 2012. The wrestler Jeff Hardy made famous the Swanton Bomb. Can Ryner make famous the Swanson Bomb? Diving over the pylon for a game winning touchdown over the Utes perhaps?



His personality feels like it would fit a professional wrestler. Dare I say Gronkish? He is definitely more Run Swanson than Ron Swanson and for a team carrying the burden of historical expectations while pioneering a higher level of competition than has ever been faced, a lighthearted surfer who is nicknamed "Shredder" by his teammates seems a perfect fit for this squad. If he ends up being the Joe Ingles for our locker room that's good; if he's a serviceable tight end who chips in 300 yards that's great; if he's so good that his departure on a mission next year makes me sad ... that's best. 

No matter the outcome he will always hold this honor: Ryner Swanson is the 2024 BYU BIFF. 

And if that's not enough, he can rest easy knowing he has the best hair on BYU's team. 


-- Prior Year Predictions --
2023: I picked Raider Damuni ... shoulda picked LJ Martin
2022: I picked Kingsley Suamataia ... good pick
2021: I picked Chase Roberts ... shoulda picked Ben Bywater
2020: I picked Kody Epps ... shoulda picked Isaac Rex
2019: I picked Harris LaChance ... shoulda picked Payton Wilgar
2018: I picked Dallin Holker ... shoulda picked Zach Wilson
2017: I picked Matt Manbush ... good pick
2016: I picked Keiffer Longson ... shoulda picked Dayan Lake
2015: I picked Burt and Bernie ... shoulda picked Tanner Mangum
2014: I picked Trey Dye (woof) ... shoulda picked Fred Warner
2013: I picked Dallin Leavitt ... shoulda picked Kyle Johnson
2012: I picked Bronson Kaufusi ... shoulda picked Jamaal Williams
2011: I picked nobody44. Due to what seemed an all-time bad recruiting class. ... shoulda picked Daniel Sorenson
2010: I picked Jake Heaps ... shoulda picked Cody Hoffman 
2009: I picked Craig Bills ... good pick
2008: I picked O'neill Chambers ... shoulda picked Matt Reynolds
2007: I picked Mitch Payne ...shoulda picked Harvey Unga
2006: I picked McKay Jacobsen ... good pick
2005: I picked Kyle Luekenga ... shoulda picked Ray Feinga
2004: I picked Austin Collie ... best pick

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