-- And thus the phrase "Ute Slapper" is born
Round 6 Recap
6.1 Bronson Kaufusi (drafted by Magathisll)
During the Max Hall era BYU had a defensive lineman named Matt Putnam who stood 6' 6". It was the first time I ever wondered, "Huh, would having someone as tall as Hagrid on the defensive line be an advantage because they could block passing lanes? Or a disadvantage because they're lanky and uncoordinated and there's more of them to block?"
Putnam's ho hum career led me to believe height doesn't do much on the defensive line. This would be confirmed by some NFL research that showed apart from one outlier named Ted Hendricks -- who had the unbelievable nickname of the MAD STORK -- there just haven't been a lot of great defensive lineman that are tall.
So by the time Bronson came along I wasn't as hyped about him as everyone else. I would become even less hyped when Bronco moved him from defensive line to linebacker so that he could ... do what exactly? Look slow and out of place? Get beat on crucial passing downs? Block Fred Warner from playing? But in 2015 he was moved back to the line and holy smokes did Bronson show out for his senior season. Suddenly he wasn't just tall, but quick and unblockable as well. 11 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, 1 interception, and 20 tackles for loss. At 26.5 career sacks he's 4th on the all-time list. I say well done BFG, well done.
Oh yeah and how about this for a final claim to fame. Somehow Bronson turned out to be the best player from the infamous 2010 Heaps, Apo, Stout recruiting class.
6.2 Aleva Hifo (drafted by Devon “Lasersheep” Smith)
This is a challenging career to evaluate. I feel like he was blessed with all the athleticism you'd dream of a slot receiver having. Unfortunately he was also cursed with two years in the Detmer offense, a scheme where passing success went to die. But then again, his numbers under Grimes weren't off the charts either. Hmm.
I feel like his career is summed up in that famous play from the 2017 Utah game where Hifo blew by two Ute defensive backs. He was wide open for what could've been a game-changing touchdown. And Tanner overthrew him by about 5 yards. How many other times did Hifo beat his defender and see a pass go awry, or worse, never even get targeted? I'm guessing Hifo was open a lot in his career, with nothing good resulting from it.
By the way, Hifo played in a TON of games. 51 to be exact, and he caught 118 career passes. Austin Collie caught 106 passes in the 2008 season alone.
6.3 Harvey Langi (drafted by Andrew Metcalf)
I once lived in Bingham High's boundaries for a very short time, in a very BYU-centric ward, where I received an Elders Quorum lesson from Austin Holt's dad (lol), and was told by a "friend" of Harvey's that he was 100% going to sign with BYU out of high school. So believe me I was pissed when Harvey signed with the Utes. Was this random 17-year old "friend" of Harvey's just jerking me around? Or was Harvey just jerking around this "friend"? Or was Harvey leaning towards BYU until one of Whitt's minions kidnapped a Langi relative and blackmailed him into joining Utah?
It seemed like each coach Harvey played for wanted to put their own stamp on him. Whitt wanted Harvey to play running back. Bronco wanted him to play middle linebacker. Sitake wanted him to play defensive line. It's a testament to Harvey's athleticism that he could bounce back and forth with so little disruption. However, his biggest transformation wasn't positional. It was the change in hair that occurred after transferring to BYU.
6.4 Brady Poppinga (Drafted by Brian Henderson, he who once helped me get a ticket to the 59-0 UCLA game)
During Poppinga's last two years it felt guaranteed we'd see him blowing up plays in the backfield. In 21 games over his junior and senior seasons there were only four games he failed to record a tackle for loss. He seemed to especially rise up in big games, recording a sack, a tackle for loss, and an interception against top-5 USC in 2003. He'd notch 1.5 sacks and 5 tackles against #1 USC the following year. Against Notre Dame in the '04 opener he went for 12 tackles, 1 sack, and 1 fumble forced and recovered. He was a disruptor and I loved him.
20 years later he's a new kind of disruptor and I don't love him anymore. This middle aged disruption is based on media appearances where he says outlandish things, the wonkiest of which is a personal and prejudiced attack on my man Luke Staley which I will not stand for. I'm not going to link to his comments because they're uneducated and reek of the sort of jealousy you'd expect from a scorned high school lover. Just know that his radio insanity has singlehandedly reversed how I think about Poppinga and his legacy. I doubt I'm the only one.
6.5 Mark Bellini (drafted by Odyseuss)
The first of the brothers Bellini, Mark appears to have been the most interesting man in the world back in 1982. He had a pet boa constrictor. He had amazing hair. He lied his way into becoming a wide receiver; and it worked so well he became an All-American! He was named the Italian Athlete of the Year in his home town (is this even a thing anymore?) His declared major was zoology. LaVell Edwards compared him to a deer. Sports Illustrated described his hands as good enough to "catch spit in the wind." He led the nation in receiving touchdowns in 1985.
I always assumed his do-it-all brother Matt was the cooler of the two, but I'm officially reversing that position.
6.6 Lakei Heimuli (drafted by me)
Who was Lakei Heimuli? On the one hand he only went over 1,000 yards rushing once in his career so you might think he wasn't exactly a legendary ball-carrier. On the other hand he's 5th all-time in career rushing yards by a BYU running back. On another hand he was a great receiver but not as great statistically as Curtis Brown or Matt Bellini, the flag bearers of pass-catching BYU backs.
What Heimuli excelled at was being really good at both jobs - running and receiving. He finished 9th nationally in receptions in 1985, while also placing 6th nationally in rushing touchdowns that same year. How often has a running back been top ten in the country in those two categories? Who does that?
So is Lakei Heimuli the rich mans JJ DiLuigi? Or the slightly poorer Curtis Brown? I'll draft him either way because I'm an absolute sucker for running backs who are studs at catching passes. Plus I need another Ute slapper and wouldn't you know it but Heimuli slapped them Utes silly. Check out these three rivalry game performances:
1984: 19 touches, 129 yards 0 TDs
1985: 29 touches, 206 yards 3 TDs
1986: 37 touches, 218 yards 2 TDs
That is delicious.
6.7 Jonathan Pittman (drafted by Tax Commissioner Danny)
"I was dying inside," LaVell said. His team had led Utah 26 to 10 going into the final quarter of his final game. Then Utah scored 17 straight to take a 1 point lead with just a couple minutes left. BYU was down to their final play, a 4th and 13, which is not exactly an ideal proposition. I was dying inside too, coach.
Enter he who saved LaVell from inglorious defeat in his final game. Pittman's back-to-back catches were simply unbelievable. Listening at home on the radio, I honestly wondered for a moment if I was hallucinating.
Here's an interesting question for you. Would you rather have a career like Cody Hoffman's where you rack up a tremendous number of games and stats but have zero meaningful or dramatic moments? Or a career like Pittman's where you only play 2 years, catch only 65 career passes (compared to Hoffman's 260!) but are the hero of LaVell's final game and a key cog in the memorable overtime comeback against Virginia in 2000? I'm not trying to disparage Cody, I'm just genuinely curious.
6.8 Fahu Tahi (drafted by Cousin Newt)
"Hurrah for Granger! Hurrah for Granger! Someone in the crowd is yelling hurrah for Granger. 5! 6! 7! 8! Who's the team that's taking state! Granger Lan-cer-er-ers!"
I admit that under typical circumstances the above chant is rather preposterous. But during the Fahu era, it was not. It's been 22 years since his Granger playing days and he still is 2nd in Utah high school career rushing yards and 3rd in career rushing touchdowns. Unfortunately his BYU days weren't as dominant. But that doesn't mean they were bad!
Fahu scored 19 times while wearing the blue, he was second on the team in all-purpose yards as a senior, and turned into quite the release valve during the Beck era, catching 41 passes in 2005. To put that into context, our leading receiver last year caught 51 just passes.
Fahu's problem was with fumbling. He lost the handle a number of times, and I have to assume that is what kept him from getting more carries throughout his career (that and the emergence of Curtis Brown). But can you really blame him? He went to Florida on his mission and Florida is freaking weird. It messes people up. Their state motto is, "We dropped the ball," so of course Fahu did too. I still love him. I wish he'd have gotten more touches.
6.9 Skipped (drafted by BRoyalBlueCoug)
Give us back James Dye!!! Release him!
6.10 Chuck Cutler (drafted by Jay Drew)
Poor Chuck Cutler. He came on at just the wrong time didn't he? He started his career in '86, two years too late to be a part of a championship team and one year too late to catch balls from a QB who finished third in the Heisman voting in both '84 and '85. Instead of being targeted by Bosco, he'd play primarily alongside Steve Lindsley, Bob Jensen, and Sean Covey, not exactly the who's who of 1980s BYU quarterbacks. He'd end his career in '88 and who happened to claim the starting job the very next year? None other than Ty Detmer.
Bad luck notwithstanding, Cutler did ring up over a 1,000 yards in '88, good for 10th best in the nation. He also played with Detmer a teeny bit that year, catching 6 of the 12 TDs Detmer threw in spot action, including a leaping grab that saved BYU in the Freedom Bowl game against Colorado. A chemistry was well under way between the pair ... and then Cutler graduated. Alas.
Bonus content: you have to read this story from the LA Times about a concussion experience Cutler had. It's quite a trip to remember how casually blows to the head were thought of 30 years ago. Check out this quote from BYU's trainer at the time, which came after Cutler, dealing with memory loss, kept asking him the same question over and over. "You can either appease him with the same answers, or you can do what I did and have some fun with it. He asked me who we had played and I said, ‘Provo High.’ ”
Parting Thoughts from Round 6
Thought #1
I really think the phrase 'Ute slapper' is funny. You know which running back besides Heimuli was a Ute slapper? Harvey Unga: half man, half battering ram (except battering rams usually aren't that agile). Here are his three stat lines against Utah.
2007: 24 touches, 168 yards, 1 TD
2008: 18 touches, 121 yards, 2 TDs
2009: 23 touches, 116 yards, 1 TD
Thought #2
I love BYU football with all my heart but if I had hair as great as Langi's I don't know if I'd ever be able to trim it for the honor code. I guess if I knew with certainty that it would grow back I could.
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