new header

January 7, 2011

To My Readers

Good evening and welcome boys and girls, ladies and gentleman of all sizes and search engines. Although if my demographic trackers are accurate, I should be welcoming mainly girls of age 18-24, size undetermined, who primarily surf using Firefox. Whatever. I'm an equal opportunity blogger and all are welcomed here.

The reason I bring you to the computer screen this day is to thank you. Yes you, the blog reader. The person whose job is so boring you have nothing better to do than read about my deodorant application strategy. I don't know if you've heard the news, but this site is now the 20,951,584 most trafficked page in all of internet-dom! And I owe it all to you.

I am a very proud father. This blog used to be just a little fellow with few posts and even fewer followers. I didn't use pictures, references or wit. Oh how times have changed! Now, spencerhansen.blogspot is a veritable international sensation. According to the latest reports there are now some 202 million websites online, meaning this blog is among the top ten percent most viewed sites in the world! I couldn't be prouder.

This belief of course hinges on the accuracy of the website providing the ranking, one The site's ranking system appears trustworthy, considering it ranks Google, Facebook, and YouTube as the top three most visited domains, which seems right to me. But some of alexa's other features may not be so dependable. Consider some of the searches it generated related to pandora charms, baby furniture and 債務整理. But on the flip side it also suggested related searches including the Utah Jazz, cat products, and bike racks so I guess it works about fifty-fifty.

Another great tidbit I learned from is that Wikipedia --eighth most visited site on the web, by the way -- is most popular in none other than Berlin, Germany. This might explain where Hitler found some of his more, uh, questionable beliefs. Of course I speak in jest. Everyone knows old Adolf was an type of guy.

Of course he was always angry - in 1943 all they had was dial-up also taught me that is most popular among college females but least popular among female graduate students (even less popular than girls with some or no college). I find this quite curious and suppose it could mean two things: 

a) The further a girl goes in school, the less time she can dedicate to intimate relations; or 

b) Girls obtaining just an undergrad degree aren't really interested in school at all;

What does all this have to do with my blog's extreme success? Nothing actually. This is just stuff I wanted to share with you that I found during my three weeks of boredom while away from school. Let's get back to the point at hand.

Today is a day of celebration and a day of expressing my appreciation. Numerous persons have contributed to the popularity of this blog. I thank my principal inspirer and brainstormer, Nathan Ballard; chief motivator, Caitlyn Ellis; blog editor, Hayley Dearden; advertisement head, John Warr; loyal commenters, Nicole Blietschau and Dallin Webb; Buffy supporters, Cassie Pickle and Niccole Franc; my parents, who never read the blog thereby making it possible for me to write about gays or peeing in sand traps without worry of censorship; Ryan Pearson, for being such a remarkable person to write about; and of course the man who invented blogging and is responsible for making me a writer of blogs, Bunna Veth. To you and the many behind the scenes readers, I give my heart filled thanks. I couldn't have become the 20.9 millionth most popular www without you.

To express my love I will be going on tour to sign any blog post you are willing to print (not to mention anything else you might want signed: body parts, posters, Facebook conversations). You can find me at The Pie Pizzeria on Saturday the 8th of January, signing from 1 to 3:00 and Wednesday January 12th in the Merrill-Cazier Library in Logan from 7 to 9:00. We request as a courtesy to the crowds that you take no more than 30 seconds to meet the author and have your paraphernalia signed (no pictures, please).

I look forward to hearing you say how great it is to meet me. See you soon.


  1. Oh my goodness! Delightful! I am really sad that I will miss the signings... I will be in Logan on the 10th and 11th, but sadly not the 12th. And if only we were going to be at The Pie on Saturday.
    Oh, Spencer, you make life funny.
    Thank you.

  2. I aspire to the top tenth percentile so that I can join your prestigious rank.

  3. So proud Caitlyn's name appeared on your blog. One of the big pay days in a mothers life!