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July 1, 2010

A Pit-iful Post

To avoid unwanted questions, judgments, or rumors one must use caution when applying deodorant in the workplace.

Especially if this happens to be your preferred stick:

And you are male.

In retrospect, I can't remember why I needed to smell well for my aged, male, tax hound co-workers anyway. Guess I just don't like going about my business while knowing I stink. Regardless, my experience in stealth application led me to a step-by-step process that you too can follow if you happen to be without protection in the workplace.

step 1 - Create a distraction by jamming the group printer.

step 2 - Recline in chair until shirt becomes naturally un-tucked.

step 3 - Conceal deodorant in hand using Hindu palming technique.
(First-timers may want to practice with travel size versions)

step 4 - Scatter loose change away from cubical as additional distraction.
(tax men love loose change)

step 5 - Scout area to ensure solitude.

step 6 - Nonchalantly position hand under shirt making sure not to smear deodorant on clothing.

step 7 - Perform rapid strokes. Max of two per pit. Withdraw.

step 8 - Tuck in shirt.

step 9 - Recover loose change if at all possible.


Hopefully these tips will be as effective for you as they were for me. If not, at least I now know what it would have been like to be earn a technical writing degree.

Additionally, similar steps of stealth are suggested when scratching one's crotch.


  1. What a happy day, my 50th blog post of the modern era (post 2007). Much thanks to my devoted readers (all 3 of you) for making me want to keep writing, even if all it is is bunk like what you just read. Blog 51 will be better.

  2. can't wait for number 51! I'm sure it will be about how the coolest person just traveled the world and got back in like 2 weeks!

  3. Devoted readers? i read your blogs ALL the time, bro!! and i love them!!