A Pit-iful Post

To avoid unwanted questions, judgments, or rumors one must use caution when applying deodorant in the workplace.

Especially if this happens to be your preferred stick:

And you are male.

In retrospect, I can't remember why I needed to smell well for my aged, male, tax hound co-workers anyway. Guess I just don't like going about my business while knowing I stink. Regardless, my experience in stealth application led me to a step-by-step process that you too can follow if you happen to be without protection in the workplace.

step 1 - Create a distraction by jamming the group printer.

step 2 - Recline in chair until shirt becomes naturally un-tucked.

step 3 - Conceal deodorant in hand using Hindu palming technique.
(First-timers may want to practice with travel size versions)

step 4 - Scatter loose change away from cubical as additional distraction.
(tax men love loose change)

step 5 - Scout area to ensure solitude.

step 6 - Nonchalantly position hand under shirt making sure not to smear deodorant on clothing.

step 7 - Perform rapid strokes. Max of two per pit. Withdraw.

step 8 - Tuck in shirt.

step 9 - Recover loose change if at all possible.

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Hopefully these tips will be as effective for you as they were for me. If not, at least I now know what it would have been like to be earn a technical writing degree.

Additionally, similar steps of stealth are suggested when scratching one's crotch.