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May 25, 2017

2016 BYU Football: The Parade of Strange

-- Weird things afoot 'round campus

How weird was the last year of BYU football?

BYU was +5 in turnover margin against Boise State, including two pick-sixes.

And lost.

BYU got six turnovers against Utah.

And lost. 

BYU held the UCLA Rosens to 17 points, and not only lost, they were never in the game for a single minute. Yet they were also one onside kick away from potentially winning. Somehow both those facts are true. Weird season? We're just getting started. 

What if I told you before the season that Taysom Hill would play in every regular season game this year? (smiley face)

And that everyone would end up secretly bummed about it? (frowny face)

Who'd have guessed Toledo would score as many points against BYU as Utah, Arizona, and UCLA combined? Who'd have thought 18 points would be enough to win at explosive Arizona? What if I told you BYU's most convincing win of the season would come at Michigan State, the same Michigan State that hadn't lost a non-conference home game in too many years to count and had made the playoff the year before? 

What if I told you Ty Detmer's debut as OC would result in one of the worst BYU passing attacks since 1971!?! For the slow of math that was 45 years ago. What if I told you BYU would attempt a fake punt on 4th and 19 from their own goal line? And that it both failed (duh) and didn't impact the game one bit (huh?). And what's up with losing in Boise for the third time in a row by 1 point? Isn't that bizarre? How about losing at Boise for the second time in the last three games on a missed field goal? Bizarre and sucky. 

You know who BYU's second best WR was last year? Trinnaman, Kurtz, Pututau, Hifo, Williams? Nope, it was a guy named Pearson. No, not this Pearson but I consider this fact surprising and odd either way.

How weird was this season? An ESPN play-by-play announcer left during the middle of a game. An opposing player went Titanic on the blue hair fans after a meaningless interception. BYU's second best RB was a guy named Squally Canada. And what cosmic oddity can explain Taysom Hill getting knocked out for the season by Utah State for the 3rd time in his career? Did one of Hill's great-grandfathers shed the blood of a true aggie in the middle of Old Main? 

The off-season has likewise been unusual. BYU's best recruit announced his commitment by landing a helicopter in LaVell Edwards stadium. The chopper stunt was one-upped by a different commit who was announced by an extraordinary impersonator of The Rock. BYU's best recruit for next year has the first name Zadock and the last name Dinkleman.  Hey Zadock did you know if you rearrange the letters in your name you can come up with the name Zack Kindle Damon? Just a suggestion.

Oh yeah and then this: DONALD TRUMP BREAKS BYU SCHEDULING NEWS. And before that a BYU mom accosted our own fans for being (groans) too fan-like. Oh wait, that was hoops. My bad. And finally there's this whopper. Tanner Mangum is moonlighting on this season of Bachelorette. 

I mean, just tell me these two aren't the same person.

According to my research this is the first time a BYU quarterback has been on the Bachelorette so there's no foretelling whether this will be good or bad for the team. Based on the Bill Simmons teaching that quarterbacks with good looks are more successful than those without I'd say this is positive news overall. However I see two possible downsides.

Number one: Tanner chose just about the worst TV persona possible for his disguise.

Number two: the Ute Honor Code Police Force is gonna have a field day with this.

Ah, who am I kidding. That's no downside. I love when the Ute fans bombard Provo with pictures of BYU players hanging out with girls or accepting pairs of socks as gift. Never change Ute Honor Code Police!

But you know what's most surprising out of all these facts? Even more than a 4th and 19 fake punt or having our QB's doppelganger on Bachelorette? You know what's the weirdest thing about what I'd call the weirdest year of BYU football ever? Bronco 'take me to your leader' Mendenhall somehow wasn't a part of any of it.

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