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August 4, 2010

Request Denied

If you were running your college newspaper would you have printed this letter?

To the beautiful blond and brunette girls that stood behind us at the football game Friday:

We miss you.

True, we never actually met, but we were saddened nevertheless when you left for Café Rio at halftime. You were sitting on the edge of row 24 at the South 40-yard line, which you described on the phone to your friend as the East 40-yard line (yeah, we were listening, sorry). Perhaps you remember us. One of us was drinking chocolate milk from an elementary school carton. The other was standing next to the one drinking chocolate milk. The closest we came to formally meeting each other was when you, the blonde one, nearly fell on me, the milk drinker, as we celebrated Robert Turbin's touchdown.

At this point you've probably decided that we are creepers, but before you judge us too harshly consider the following: if we were truly creepy, we would have tried to hit on you at the game, right? Alas we had not the courage to speak. Now our only hope of meeting you is via this letter. With that in mind we propose the following: Tonight and tomorrow night (after 8:00) we will be in the library drinking chocolate milk from elementary school cartons. If you find us, we will take you out to Café Rio or a restaurant of your choice (except Hamilton’s, too expensive). Feel free to send a scout if you can’t remember us and are doubting the quality of our looks.


Spencer and Nathan

Yes, we really wrote this and yes, we really did send it in to the school paper.

Surprisingly, the editors decided not to publish it.

(And by surprisingly, I mean thankfully, because I would have felt like a doofus drinking milk in the library waiting for some hotties who never would have arrived. Plus Nathan's girlfriend probably wouldn't have been too happy about the whole thing.)

Only minds touched by Einstein could come up with a plan like this

Thus me and Nathan learned that USU doesn't want its school paper turned into a dating service. Fair enough. So let's focus on the second question this letter poses. If you were those girls would the letter have charmed you into coming? Or would you have been repulsed into hiding?

Yeah, I agree, I probably would've been repulsed too.

Oh well. That doesn't mean I won't try again.

After all, in four weeks we'll have a new school year, new girls to creep out, and most importantly, new editors at the paper.

1 comment:

  1. What I would have given for another carton of chocolate milk...

    Oh, and one of the other too. Thanks for the delicious memory.

    A flawless plan destroyed by loveless journalists.