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July 19, 2009

Anything but the Eyes

Reason #322 why I hope I never go blind:

I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a baby of mine and a cat.


At present there are two small people that are in my life on a regular basis. One goes by the name of Cohen, the other is known as Climps. The first is my sister's baby, the other is my cat. I've taken a notice lately that these two are very similar. Both are about the same height, while Cohen has about three pounds on Climps. Take away two of Climps' legs and the duo becomes nearly identical (Back in Cohen's crawling days the two were indistinguishable). Neither speaks english, while both are prone to poop anywhere they want. Both enjoy eating bread, biting me, and being catered to. Neither of the duo enjoys being around large groups of people.

The similarities don't end there. When compared on a nap-taking basis, Climps was once clocked at having taken an outstanding five naps in one day. But Cohen was right on his tail (so to speak) having taken four naps in one day last November. And if you were to be around both of these younglings circa 3:00 in the morning, you would find even more similarities. Both participants tend to wake their caretakers in the middle of the night: One by meowing, the other by crying, both with the same goal of getting food.

Climps fights when I try to pick him up. Cohen fights when I try to pick him up.
Cohen doesn't smell good. Climps doesn't smell good.
Cohen doesn't watch football. Climps doesn't watch football.
Climps hates swimming. Cohen hates swimming.

Fortunately there is one difference between Cohen and Climps that allows me to discern between the two. Climps is furry and Cohen isn't, and that's where the problem with my kids comes in. You see, if I were blind I wouldn't have a problem discerning between other peoples babies and cats. I would have a problem, however, telling the difference between my own baby and a cat because sadly, if it were my child, the difference in furryness would be negligible. Alas, I am hairy. For a taste of what I'm talking about compare my arm with that of Climps:
Mine is the arm on the left.

So in the event that I lose my sight, I'll be investing in laser hair removal for my children. I may request your help to ensure I don't have the procedure done on the cat.

1 comment:

  1. It's been quite some time Mr. Hansen. I'm glad to see you're still up to your usual antics. It's good to hear climps is still keeping you entertained. Katie couldn't stop laughing at the picture.