The Virtual BYU Dynasty - 2016 to 2017

-- It's not easy being a spartan

I once played a soccer game called Football Manager. Similar to what I've been doing with NCAA football, in that game I never actually play any soccer matches. Instead I managed the team, the philosophy, the training strategy, etc. I took over Chelsea, renamed them the Flying Climps Football Club, developed and signed a Uruguayan superstar named Nestor Vogler as well as an American goal-keeping sensation named Ryan Pearspn. We did decent but underwhelmed and ultimately I was canned. I took over the Wolverhampton Wolves and led them to a FA cup title and promotion to the premier league. 

Most importantly, I crushed the Flying Climps every time we played. Including once for a FA title.

 

That was satisfying. I turned my career around and beat the team that fired me. 

I can't do the same thing in this game. Beating BYU would not be satisfying to me. It would be a bummer.

This is a long way of saying I'm not scheduling BYU while I'm at San Jose State. And maybe now I understand Bronco Mendenhall a little bit better. Maybe he's not afraid of playing BYU because he'll lose. Maybe he's afraid to hurt them.

So I slog through the 2016 season as the offensive coordinator of San Jose State. Recruiting is a wasteland. The highest rated player interested in me is ranked 62. Ye gods. So this is what it's like to be the 13th best team in your state.

I take a stab at a couple of the guys I was in the lead for at BYU to no avail. I won't try to beat BYU in this game but I sure as heck will go after the guys I was recruiting for them. We go 4-8 over the season -- a woof of a performance -- but I knock out most of my pedestrian offensive coordinator goals, racking up over 3,000 total yards and 10 passing touchdowns with ease. I do however take another whooping at the hands of Nevada. The Wolf Pack will eventually hang my pelt on their stadium exterior. I've played them four times, and not only have I never beaten them, I've only come close once. They are to me what Utah was to Bronco Mendenhall.

Speaking of former BYU coaches, Gordon Monson was right -- I'm Gary Crowton. Like Gary, I lasted four years at BYU; like Gary, I was a recruiting wunderkind; like Gary, I lost numerous close games in the final moments; like Gary, I set the table for the next coach up to have a great season.

But in a shocker BYU doesn't have a great 2016 season! Well, I mean they win 9 games which is good, but considering Eric Gates ends the year as a 1st-team All-American, and considering Albert Scott ends the year as a 1st-team All-American, and considering Brian Harris ends the year as a freshman All-American, and considering Steve Latimer is so talented he declares early for the NFL and was drafted in the 5th round by Denver ... well, that's a lot of talent to only net nine wins!

The 2017 season gets off to a rocky start for BYU as well. Expectations in Provo are enormous as Gates and Scott return for their senior season. Albert Scott is rated a 99 overall. How many players in the game are ranked 99?? I don't know but I think it's less than 8.

Overall BYU is not ranked in the top-25, but they are listed among the top-25 most likely championship contenders, which is based on your prior four seasons recruiting class rankings (thank you, I will take a bow). This is a long way of saying that when BYU starts 2-3, lowlighted by a 10-point beating at the hands of New Mexico, I'm not entirely shocked when a familiar voice dials my number one Monday morning.

"Coach Hansen, it's me, Tom."

"Brady?"

"Very funny. How's San Jose?"

"I like living closer to Disneyland."

"I'll be brief. We want you back at BYU. Will you come back as our OC?"

"You want me to leave in the middle of our season? To take a lower job than the one I had before?"

"That's right."

I am thrilled. I have no pride. I'm willing to crawl back to the institution that unfairly kicked me to the curb, even at a position that is lower than the one I held previously. But I have demands. First, I request complete authority over all recruiting action. Holmoe agrees because he'd be stupid not to. The second demand is a sticking point. I want defensive coordinator Travis Peterson off the coaching staff. I'm still furious that he got an extension right after I was fired. Tom says the department is unwilling to make a mid-season change for both the OC and the DC. The best he can do is offer a promise to leave Peterson's contract unrenewed two years down the road when it expires. 

I know that's a garbage statement so I decide to request an exemption from the cleanshaven honor code requirement and Holmoe grants it. I also ask if I can get a moratorium on the clause that prohibits university staff from entering into relationships with students. What can I say, Climps is a 28-year old bachelor with an eye for Cougarettes. Tom tells me what happens in off-campus housing, stays in off-campus housing. I nod and sign the contract. So long Spartans, hello Cougars!

I'm back baby!! I'M BACCCCK!