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February 6, 2011

No Ordinary Game

For a small few the first Sunday in February remains a holy day of Deity worship. For the rest of the nation however, this Sunday is a holiday of sporting worship. Regardless of where your adoration lies -- whether it be at church on the front pew or at your house with a cold brew -- there is one thing about this Sunday that cannot be argued: everything about it is super.

It all starts with the sport itself, football, which will take a super bow this Sunday as the current king of all sports. Its popularity is witnessed by the fact that the league had total revenues of over nine billion dollars last year. The ratings for last year's championship game were superior to those of any other program in television history, surpassing even the season finale of MASH. That record is likely to be broken again this year, but don't mention that to Fox - they're a superstitious bunch. Some have wondered if the recent collective bargaining discussions will lead to a lockout of the U.S's favorite sport, but I consider that a bunch of super bull. Even though NFL players take a lot of drugs, no steroid can create the super balls needed to risk forfeiting nine billion dollars just to make a few extra bucks.

You had a good run, team

Additionally the commercials that air during the game are super, or at least they include the first few letters of the word. From Campbell's Soup (okay, so it's not spelled Campbell's 'Sup', but it sounds similar enough) to the Budweiser boozer's crying "Waaaa-suuuuuup", the first syllable of super makes a frequent appearance during game breaks.

Likewise the location of the big game is anything but ordinary. Three times the game has been played within binocular distance of Lake Superior, and guess in which stadium the game has been most played? That's right, Louisiana's Superdome. This year the game moves to Dallas, where the hype of the game and the size of the stadium will call for the highest amount of security of all-time. With $10 million dollars being alloted to stadium protection, the amount of authoritative supervision will be unmatched. Of course, those blessed viewers who will witness the game courtesy of their 60 inch HD/3D screens might say they are enjoying a different type of supervision altogether. Such fortunate fans won't be blamed for feeling that they are benefiting from Superman's advanced sight. Speaking of the man of steel -- not to be confused with the men of the Steelers -- that is one element of the word 'super' that this Sunday will be missing. The NFL has no Superman impersonator, while the NBA has two characters who claim to be Clark Kent's alter ego in Shaq and Dwight Howard. Michael Vick has come close to taking up the cape, but its doubtful America will ever accept him as such. No level of supernatural play will ever supersede the reputation of dog killer.

Speaking of regretable moments, did you hear about Tom Daugherty, the professional bowler who knocked down a mere 100 pins in a recent tournament? I only bring it up to point out that not every day can be a super bowl.

Perhaps the five letter adjective is most seen in the meals consumed during the holy day, a congregation of foods that is not as much a last supper as a last super. Pizza, ribs, booze, chips and dip, guacamole, booze (yes, twice) and of course steak -- all super-sized of course -- come together to make the Super Bowl more than just a championship bout. Just remember that in order to prevent the Big Game from becoming the Big Lame, you'll need one last above average item to compliment all that food:

Super bowels.

2 comments:

  1. Oh, Spencer, you're so "punny". See what I did there? Because you used a lot of puns.... Alright, it is lame. I'll leave the playing on words to you.

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  2. M.A.S.H is still the champion in my eye.

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