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January 20, 2011

The Hanceys

I've been waiting a long time for 2011 to come along. 15 years in fact, ever since the fateful day when I first learned that eleven was my lucky number. But before we get ahead of ourselves looking into what could happen in this long awaited year we must first hand out hardware to the spectacular performers of 2010. And lest you think these awards are unnecessary or trivial, keep in mind that the Eclipse Awards (no relation to Twilight) just bestowed a steed named Zenyatta the Horse of the Year award. With that thought in mind and with further ado out of mind...

(Disclaimer: If you're name isn't Zac Roner, Dallin Webb, Ian Wright, The Squire Family, Jackie or Anna Johnson, Caitlyn Ellis, Hayley Dearden, Ryan Pearspn,  Nicole/Nathan/Bryan, or Bunna Veth this post may not be worth your time)

Winner of the Bob Ross award for most majestic hair follicles - Ryan Pearson (soon to be renamed the Ryan Pearson award)

Winner of the Jackie Chiles award for most enjoyable voice to listen to - Anna Johnson (I would marry those tones)

The Buzz Lightyear award for extreme number of gadgets - Jackie Johnson, owner of an iPod, a kindle, a smart phone, three computers, a DVD player and a sewing machine (I would marry those accessories)

The Paul Millsap award for most improved athlete - Zac Roner

The Yao Ming award for a promising career derailed by injury - Zac Roner (Dislocated knee cap, ligament sprain, broken back and was recently fired, to add insult to you-know-what)

The Alex Trebek award for knowing a lot of stuff and looking great with a mustache - Caitlyn Ellis (Books. Movies. Drinks. Boys. Girls. Cars. Road trips. Tennis. Shakespeare. Riverton. She knows it all)

You will do yourself a large favor if you click this link to see the uncut version of Trebek's picture

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer award for proficiency with weapons - Ian Wright

The Cosmo Kramer award for unemployed success story - Nathan Ballard (Living the high life since June 2009)

The Michael Jordan award for switching careers - Bunna Veth (In computer science we trust)

The Albus Dumbledore award for leading an army of children - Nicole Blietschau

The Morgan Grimes award for best facial hair and most loyal comrade - Climps the cat

The Christopher Columbus award for discovering foreign lands - The Squire Family (No matter how cold it gets in Idaho, do not accept any blankets from anyone)

The John Stockton award for most provocative clothing - Still belongs to John Stockton, unfortunately

The man knew how to show skin

The Ross and Rachel award for best couple - Bryan Farnsworth and WalMart

The Bryan Farnsworth award for most dapperly dressed individual - Hayley Dearden (She also has an uncanny memory for clothes people wore from years past as well ...)

The Tiger Woods award for greatest collapse -Tie: The BYU football team and Spencer's psyche after watching the collapse of the BYU football team.

The Mr. Miagi award for best hairless mentor - Dallin Webb (I will soon join you in baldness. If only I could join you in womanizing as well.)

The Lazarus award for returning from the dead - BYU football team (My love of Bronco has never been stronger)

The Lewis and Clark award for non-gay best friends - Spencer and Nathan (Take Bronco out of the picutre and that first part might change)

And finally the winner of the Idaho award for irrelevance - Spencer's blog


  1. -- A posthumous note --

    The term "Hancey's" comes from a gentleman by the name of Nick Hancey, whose last name so impressed my freshman roommates that they changed my calling card from "Spencer Hansen" to "Spencer Hancey", or the shorter version, "Hancey". Thus the birth of the so named awards.

  2. "The Morgan Grimes award for best facial hair and most loyal comrade - Climps the cat"

    I can't believe I lost the Morgan Grimes award to Climps. Don't get me wrong, Climps is great, but I thought I had the Morgan Grimes award for sure this year.

    When is the award ceremony?

  3. At the risk of losing my Clark status, Climps is like Benjamin Button.

    But who am I kidding, Spencer stopped reading the "lowly" comments once he reached the 20 million plateau.

    Great awards this year. I am truly inspired to star imitate in lucky '11.

  4. I would like to add tendonitis in my left knee to list of injuries. Luckily they all came at once so hopefully one bout with rehab will be all I need to return to the ranks of the healthy and physically active.