Guest Starring: Caitlyn Ellis
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March 30, 2011
Pod 4 - Spring (Heart) Break
Episode 4: wherein Nathan attempts to provide Spencer comfort after being dumped by his long lost red-headed lover. The pros and cons of dating Spencer are listed, the benefits of being dumped are mentioned, and Caitlyn Ellis's reasons for never starting a relationship with the Uruguayan Lion are verbalized.
Guest Starring: Caitlyn Ellis
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Guest Starring: Caitlyn Ellis
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March 26, 2011
Brandon Davies - A Case of (Im)Perfect Timing
A combined 13 feet six inches, 470 pounds and ten fouls worth of big men were missing during BYU's season ending lost to Florida on Friday. BYU had survived sans Chris Collinsworth for the majority of the season, but the loss of Brandon Davies proved too much to overcome as the Cougars struggled to a 5-3 record in his absence. Whether or not Davies presence could have changed Friday's result is debatable. What can't be argued, however, is that Davie's suspension came at the worst time possible for the BYU basketball team.
But for BYU the institution -- and anyone who still believes in college athletics -- the timing couldn't have been any better. Whereas Harvey Unga's suspension of a year ago went more or less unnoticed nationally, the media spotlight was focused directly on BYU when they waived Davies from the team. And a chance to prove to the rest of the NCAA that winning isn't everything may be just what college athletics needs.
Consider:
Two days after BYU kicked Davies off the team for honor code violations, Sports Illustrated published a cover story on the high number of college football players with criminal records. Of the 2010 preseason top 25 teams, 24 had at least one player with a prior criminal record (the lone exception - Rose Bowl Champion TCU). Pittsburgh led the way with 22 players charged, while Stanford rounded out the bottom with only one player with a past record (locally Utah had five players charged, Boise State 16).
The overall message behind the findings? Universities are willing to do anything to increase their chances of winning, including ignoring the past offenses of potential recruits. One anonymous source suggested that coaches purposely avoid learning about players personal histories. "(Finding out about past arrests) could mean that you would lose some talented players," the source said. "Your (athletic director) or admissions people might say, 'No, we can't take that kid after what he did.'" While the nation wondered on the win-at-any-cost attitude of universities, BYU's message of upholding an honor code at the risk of weakening their team stood as a contrast to what most teams are willing to do.
BYU's message was again brought to light in the wake of NCAA violations at Ohio State. Five players on OSU's football team had been suspended last winter for breaking NCAA policy. A few weeks after the Davies suspension, it was learned that OSU head coach Jim Tressel had known about the violations during the Buckeye's season and had done nothing about it. When asked why he didn't bring the violations to attention, Coach Tressel claimed that he was trying to protect his players from scandal and that it had nothing to do with maintaining the success of the Buckeye's season.
You know how many people believed that? Zero. Not even his own school paper bought the story, which published an article calling for his resignation. After all, Tressel had been the coach when his previous stars Maurice Clarett and Troy Smith were involved in NCAA infractions as well. The Colombus Dispatch pointed out that of 12 coaches cited for not being truthful about NCAA violations since 2006, 11 had been fired or quit. So naturally, when OSU president E. Gordon Gee was asked if Tressel would receive similar treatment he laughed, "Are you kidding?"
I guess standards probably are a joke to President Gee, compared to the importance of winning ball games. Tressel has led the Buckeye's to back-to-back BCS Championship appearances during his tenure, not to mention various BCS bowl games. Surely maintaining rules are not important compared to garnering those level of accomplishments. Such seemed to be the case at Tennessee, where coach Bruce Pearl remained employed despite having lied to NCAA investigators about a recruiting violation. He wasn't fired until his team lost by thirty in the first round last week. Maybe winning really is everything.
Perhaps that creed is the reason behind one journalist asking BYU coach Dave Rose why he didn't just let the Davies honor code violation slide under the rug. After all, prior to his suspension BYU had reached a number three ranking nationally, sported the likely player of the year winner, and was in contention for a number one seed in the NCAA tournament. Why, when so many others are prone to break any rule to ensure victory, was BYU willing to ruin their season by supporting a standard that they had made for themselves?
BYU as a program certainly isn't free from error. They've had their share of violations and criminals during their time. But on this occasion with the Davies suspension they did more than just limit the potential of their best basketball team in thirty years. They did more than just uphold what to many seems to be an archaic code of conduct. While most every other team has proven they'll do anything to win, BYU sent a different message altogether.
And they couldn't have picked a better time to do it.
But for BYU the institution -- and anyone who still believes in college athletics -- the timing couldn't have been any better. Whereas Harvey Unga's suspension of a year ago went more or less unnoticed nationally, the media spotlight was focused directly on BYU when they waived Davies from the team. And a chance to prove to the rest of the NCAA that winning isn't everything may be just what college athletics needs.
Consider:
Two days after BYU kicked Davies off the team for honor code violations, Sports Illustrated published a cover story on the high number of college football players with criminal records. Of the 2010 preseason top 25 teams, 24 had at least one player with a prior criminal record (the lone exception - Rose Bowl Champion TCU). Pittsburgh led the way with 22 players charged, while Stanford rounded out the bottom with only one player with a past record (locally Utah had five players charged, Boise State 16).
The overall message behind the findings? Universities are willing to do anything to increase their chances of winning, including ignoring the past offenses of potential recruits. One anonymous source suggested that coaches purposely avoid learning about players personal histories. "(Finding out about past arrests) could mean that you would lose some talented players," the source said. "Your (athletic director) or admissions people might say, 'No, we can't take that kid after what he did.'" While the nation wondered on the win-at-any-cost attitude of universities, BYU's message of upholding an honor code at the risk of weakening their team stood as a contrast to what most teams are willing to do.
BYU's message was again brought to light in the wake of NCAA violations at Ohio State. Five players on OSU's football team had been suspended last winter for breaking NCAA policy. A few weeks after the Davies suspension, it was learned that OSU head coach Jim Tressel had known about the violations during the Buckeye's season and had done nothing about it. When asked why he didn't bring the violations to attention, Coach Tressel claimed that he was trying to protect his players from scandal and that it had nothing to do with maintaining the success of the Buckeye's season.
You know how many people believed that? Zero. Not even his own school paper bought the story, which published an article calling for his resignation. After all, Tressel had been the coach when his previous stars Maurice Clarett and Troy Smith were involved in NCAA infractions as well. The Colombus Dispatch pointed out that of 12 coaches cited for not being truthful about NCAA violations since 2006, 11 had been fired or quit. So naturally, when OSU president E. Gordon Gee was asked if Tressel would receive similar treatment he laughed, "Are you kidding?"
I guess standards probably are a joke to President Gee, compared to the importance of winning ball games. Tressel has led the Buckeye's to back-to-back BCS Championship appearances during his tenure, not to mention various BCS bowl games. Surely maintaining rules are not important compared to garnering those level of accomplishments. Such seemed to be the case at Tennessee, where coach Bruce Pearl remained employed despite having lied to NCAA investigators about a recruiting violation. He wasn't fired until his team lost by thirty in the first round last week. Maybe winning really is everything.
Perhaps that creed is the reason behind one journalist asking BYU coach Dave Rose why he didn't just let the Davies honor code violation slide under the rug. After all, prior to his suspension BYU had reached a number three ranking nationally, sported the likely player of the year winner, and was in contention for a number one seed in the NCAA tournament. Why, when so many others are prone to break any rule to ensure victory, was BYU willing to ruin their season by supporting a standard that they had made for themselves?
BYU as a program certainly isn't free from error. They've had their share of violations and criminals during their time. But on this occasion with the Davies suspension they did more than just limit the potential of their best basketball team in thirty years. They did more than just uphold what to many seems to be an archaic code of conduct. While most every other team has proven they'll do anything to win, BYU sent a different message altogether.
And they couldn't have picked a better time to do it.
March 23, 2011
The Time I Stripped for my Girlfriend's Mom ...
... was, unfortunately, not nearly as exciting as that title makes it sound. And therein lies the point of this entire post. Headlines are written in such a way as to grab a potential reader's attention. The headline is the bait, we the readers are the fish. As such, a catchy headline may be the difference between an open-mouthed swallow and a casual nibble.
Naturally an individual's given name plays the role of their personal headline. Normally the more unique the name, the deeper the initial impression is made upon meeting someone. However some parents have gone a bit overboard in their quest to impress, having conjured some truly horrendous names as of late. McMoses, Brick and Scander are examples of how far some moms and dads will go to distinguish their offspring from the Pauls, Marks and Johns of the world. Even the beloved George of Seinfeld lore, who was saddled with a less than appealing name himself, was intent on providing a bizarre uniqueness to his child by calling him (or her) "Seven".
Some wise souls, realizing that one's destiny may derive from their name, changed their title long after their branding. Hence Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr became a concise Snoop Dogg; the un-intimidating Lew Alcindor used religion to become Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; the overly-average James turned into the one and only Jimmer. Who knows how Lance Armstrong's legend could've grown had he changed his appendage to "Legstrong".
Indeed, a person's name may be more important than the actual character in question. This would explain why so many persons attempt to add titles to spice up their name. Doctor Bill is no doubt more pleasant sounding than Mister Bill. And Arnold sure would feel better about saying his name if he could introduce himself as Astronaut Arnold. Consider President Hansen versus Spencer Hansen. I know which pairing I would choose.
Those who fail to recognize the appeal of a superb name limit their chances of global fame. I speak of course of the Chilean people.
Chileans love bread. So much so that I'd wager one in thirty families in Chile run a bread selling business from their house. Saldy, not a single one of these businesses recognize the advertising power of a quality name. During a two year stay, I saw the same two words used over and over to advertise the fact that they were selling bread. The words? "Hay pan", which translates to "there is bread". Not once did I see a sign that boasted, "Chile's Best Bread", or "Cheapest Bread Around" or even something as mundane as "Our Bread Tastes Good". Nope. There is bread. And that's all we're going to tell you.
Someday Chile will reach first-world status. But it won't be until they realize the power of a name.
I bring all this name calling business to light because Nathan and I are in the midst of a major dilemma, as we attempt to find the appropriate label for our newborn podcast. Three weeks of discussion and debate have passed, culminating in today's recording in which we were forced to turn to others for suggestions. Despite our best efforts, the only thing we've managed to agree on is the answer to the long-asked question, "What's in a name?"
Only everything.
As for the strip show for my girlfriend's mom, well, like I said it's not that great of a story. In a moment consisting of poor eyesight and loose morals, I opted to do a sensual shirt removal in front of my second-story window for an approaching young women. As the gap between the girl and I closed, my eyes began to realize for whom I was actually stripping. If the Chileans were to describe this situation, they would simply say there is embarrassment. In this case I would agree.
Needless to say I and her daughter are no longer dating.
Naturally an individual's given name plays the role of their personal headline. Normally the more unique the name, the deeper the initial impression is made upon meeting someone. However some parents have gone a bit overboard in their quest to impress, having conjured some truly horrendous names as of late. McMoses, Brick and Scander are examples of how far some moms and dads will go to distinguish their offspring from the Pauls, Marks and Johns of the world. Even the beloved George of Seinfeld lore, who was saddled with a less than appealing name himself, was intent on providing a bizarre uniqueness to his child by calling him (or her) "Seven".
Some wise souls, realizing that one's destiny may derive from their name, changed their title long after their branding. Hence Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr became a concise Snoop Dogg; the un-intimidating Lew Alcindor used religion to become Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; the overly-average James turned into the one and only Jimmer. Who knows how Lance Armstrong's legend could've grown had he changed his appendage to "Legstrong".
Would James Fredette have made back-to-back SI covers?
Those who fail to recognize the appeal of a superb name limit their chances of global fame. I speak of course of the Chilean people.
Chileans love bread. So much so that I'd wager one in thirty families in Chile run a bread selling business from their house. Saldy, not a single one of these businesses recognize the advertising power of a quality name. During a two year stay, I saw the same two words used over and over to advertise the fact that they were selling bread. The words? "Hay pan", which translates to "there is bread". Not once did I see a sign that boasted, "Chile's Best Bread", or "Cheapest Bread Around" or even something as mundane as "Our Bread Tastes Good". Nope. There is bread. And that's all we're going to tell you.
These trend-setters pushed the envelope by including an exclamation point
Someday Chile will reach first-world status. But it won't be until they realize the power of a name.
I bring all this name calling business to light because Nathan and I are in the midst of a major dilemma, as we attempt to find the appropriate label for our newborn podcast. Three weeks of discussion and debate have passed, culminating in today's recording in which we were forced to turn to others for suggestions. Despite our best efforts, the only thing we've managed to agree on is the answer to the long-asked question, "What's in a name?"
Only everything.
As for the strip show for my girlfriend's mom, well, like I said it's not that great of a story. In a moment consisting of poor eyesight and loose morals, I opted to do a sensual shirt removal in front of my second-story window for an approaching young women. As the gap between the girl and I closed, my eyes began to realize for whom I was actually stripping. If the Chileans were to describe this situation, they would simply say there is embarrassment. In this case I would agree.
Needless to say I and her daughter are no longer dating.
Pod 3 - Identity Crisis
Episode 3: wherein the podcasting duo debate what the name of the unnamed pod should be. After failing to reach an accordance, special guests are invited to share their naming experience and wisdom.
Guest Starring: Devon Smith, Doug Peterson
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March 16, 2011
Pod 2 - State of the Jazz
Episode 2: wherein Spencer and Nathan dump March Madness to discuss a more pressing matter, the state of the Utah Jazz. Bunna Veth is introduced for the first time, ancient rituals are debated, and bold predictions that are looking more foolish as the season continues are made.
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March 9, 2011
Pod 1 - A Discussion on "Chuck"
Episode 1: wherein Nathan and Spencer begin a quest not to become podcasters, but podca-stars. Spencer's conversion story to NBC's Chuck is shared, Nathan's testimony of the show is born, and the keys to create quality TV are taught.
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March 3, 2011
The Restoration - Part II
-- Note: For Part I of this two part series, click here --
When it comes to restoration, it's safe to say that Rogaine is no Joseph Smith. It's also safe to say the apostasy that strikes the top of my head isn't going to be ending anytime soon. The results tell a sad story (make that the lack of results): Despite fertilizing my head with Rogaine for over a year now, I still haven't managed to grow anything (and I even go to an agriculture school).
It was worth a shot. And about a hundred bucks, according to my latest credit card statement. It's hard to believe, though, that I would be a third of the way to a PS3 if I weren't so worried with how the top of my head looks (and you thought accountants didn't care about image -- well we have feelings too). Still, there's reason to be concerned.
Perhaps you've heard of Jerry Seinfeld? He had a friend named George Costanza. In their early days the two carried similar lives, growing up and attending school together. Despite being best friends, their paths diverged in their post-grad years. Following college, Jerry developed a succesful career filled with celebrity, money and women. Meanwhile George's formidable years were often spent unemployed, companion-less, at his parent's abode.
What was the difference between the two? One had hair, the other did not.
Simple. As. That.
Having great hair is critical to success in life. It's the source behind Bob Costas' strength, the pillar of David Hasslehoff's power, and the reason behind George's ruin.
I bring this up because I am on the verge of playing the George Costanza to Nathan Ballard's Jerry Seinfeld. The two of us pushed through high school and college as betrothed chaps living identical lifestyles. As Nathan and I completed our undergrads, however, it became apparent that our lives were heading in different directions.
Nathan had a girlfriend. And a job.
I had neither.
Such are the fruits of having (or not having) great hair. What else could be responsible for Nathan's success and my failure (beside skin color)?
But you know what the worst part of this story is?
I did this to myself.
According to Wikipedia --the 8th most trafficked site on the net, mind you -- balding comes from two sources: genetics or extreme stress. Childbirth is another contributor, but my mom says that my arrival was rather uneventful. You can cross genetics off the list as well, as my mom's dad is still sprouting hair at an advanced age. Stress, then, has to be the problem behind my, uh, problem. That said, the majority of my life is experienced in a calm fashion. I don't have a lot of bills (rent and pizza), I have no girlfriend, my colon has been regular ...
Then there's the sports world. My love is spent on the Cougars and the Jazz. And those two teams reward my heart the only way they know how -- by giving it stress. Boy, do they ever do a good job of it. Year after year, these teams have managed to provide me with anxiety, respiratory problems, everything but reliable hair growth. Thus my one true love -- sports -- has eliminated my other love -- hair.
I'm reminded of the words of one Professor Trelawney.
"And either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives."
Sure she was speaking of Voldemort and Harry Potter, but she may as well been speaking of my hair-sport relationship.
It's a shame because of all people, I know the worth of a well-done do. It is no surprise that Jimmer Fredette's career year has coincided with the best haircut of his BYU tenure. Likewise no one was stunned to hear that 934 Harry Potter fans committed suicide after Emma Watson chopped her Hermione's. Such is the power of hair.
A person's most valuable asset, lusty locks can be the difference maker in the crusade for jobs, girl(s), and happiness. How curious, then, that the three things I'm trying to grasp require the one thing I can't hang onto.
I've been told at times to get over it, to embrace the falling follicles. Increased aerodynamacy and a distinguished appearance are frequently cited as compensation for having the look of an ancient. While those two traits are nice consolation prizes, I'd still rather keep my locks, because hair is simply too valuable, it's usefulness too apparent.
That's what makes this particular hair loss so hard to swallow (not that hair is easy to swallow under other circumstances). Ever since I was a little kid, people have been telling me to use my head. Maybe they were talking about the top of it, maybe not. Either way now that I need it most, it may be too late.
When it comes to restoration, it's safe to say that Rogaine is no Joseph Smith. It's also safe to say the apostasy that strikes the top of my head isn't going to be ending anytime soon. The results tell a sad story (make that the lack of results): Despite fertilizing my head with Rogaine for over a year now, I still haven't managed to grow anything (and I even go to an agriculture school).
It was worth a shot. And about a hundred bucks, according to my latest credit card statement. It's hard to believe, though, that I would be a third of the way to a PS3 if I weren't so worried with how the top of my head looks (and you thought accountants didn't care about image -- well we have feelings too). Still, there's reason to be concerned.
Perhaps you've heard of Jerry Seinfeld? He had a friend named George Costanza. In their early days the two carried similar lives, growing up and attending school together. Despite being best friends, their paths diverged in their post-grad years. Following college, Jerry developed a succesful career filled with celebrity, money and women. Meanwhile George's formidable years were often spent unemployed, companion-less, at his parent's abode.
What was the difference between the two? One had hair, the other did not.
Simple. As. That.
Having great hair is critical to success in life. It's the source behind Bob Costas' strength, the pillar of David Hasslehoff's power, and the reason behind George's ruin.
No wonder he saved so may lives
Nathan had a girlfriend. And a job.
I had neither.
Such are the fruits of having (or not having) great hair. What else could be responsible for Nathan's success and my failure (beside skin color)?
But you know what the worst part of this story is?
I did this to myself.
According to Wikipedia --the 8th most trafficked site on the net, mind you -- balding comes from two sources: genetics or extreme stress. Childbirth is another contributor, but my mom says that my arrival was rather uneventful. You can cross genetics off the list as well, as my mom's dad is still sprouting hair at an advanced age. Stress, then, has to be the problem behind my, uh, problem. That said, the majority of my life is experienced in a calm fashion. I don't have a lot of bills (rent and pizza), I have no girlfriend, my colon has been regular ...
Then there's the sports world. My love is spent on the Cougars and the Jazz. And those two teams reward my heart the only way they know how -- by giving it stress. Boy, do they ever do a good job of it. Year after year, these teams have managed to provide me with anxiety, respiratory problems, everything but reliable hair growth. Thus my one true love -- sports -- has eliminated my other love -- hair.
I'm reminded of the words of one Professor Trelawney.
"And either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives."
Sure she was speaking of Voldemort and Harry Potter, but she may as well been speaking of my hair-sport relationship.
It's a shame because of all people, I know the worth of a well-done do. It is no surprise that Jimmer Fredette's career year has coincided with the best haircut of his BYU tenure. Likewise no one was stunned to hear that 934 Harry Potter fans committed suicide after Emma Watson chopped her Hermione's. Such is the power of hair.
And you thought Dumbledore's death was a tragedy
I've been told at times to get over it, to embrace the falling follicles. Increased aerodynamacy and a distinguished appearance are frequently cited as compensation for having the look of an ancient. While those two traits are nice consolation prizes, I'd still rather keep my locks, because hair is simply too valuable, it's usefulness too apparent.
That's what makes this particular hair loss so hard to swallow (not that hair is easy to swallow under other circumstances). Ever since I was a little kid, people have been telling me to use my head. Maybe they were talking about the top of it, maybe not. Either way now that I need it most, it may be too late.
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