Converted to Jimmerism

Perhaps playing in front of a 22,700-man crowd at an elevation of 4,500 feet was a bit of baptism by fire for the no longer undefeated San Diego State Aztecs. If so, the beat down delivered courtesy of Jimmer Fredette can only be described as baptism by Jimmersion, though truth be told Fredette's christening came more in the form of a sprinkling of shots than a display of dunking - he is white afterall. The All-American point guard did it again last night -- again! -- scoring 43 and carrying BYU to its biggest regular season win of all time (it was the third time in four games that Fredette has scored over 40 points). In the process Jimmer did more than just convert a bevy of shots from both inside and outside the arc. He also converted SDSU into a one-loss team, and even more impressive, he converted yours truly -- a  college basketball atheist -- into a believer (for this season at least).

His game and his hair have continually improved

Considering my gospel-like adoration of sports, you may be surprised to hear I turn the other cheek when it comes to college basketball. The truth is I simply don't care about it (as evidenced by this being the first blog about college basketball I've ever written). I think its a fluke sport where home court advantage and three-pointers decide most outcomes. As for regular season games, they usually are of minimal importance - March seems to be the only time that anything matters.

Then last night came along. In BYU's biggest home game ever, in the first game featuring an undefeated team versus a one-loss team in ten years, in a game with Player of the Year implications and a perfect season on the line, everything mattered. And all Jimmer did was lay 43 points on the alter while magnifying his calling from All-American to legitimate Player of the Year candidate. As for me a new member of the Fredette faith was born.

My doubting brother was brought to the fold last night as well. He sent me this text after watching Fredette score 15 straight points late in the first half:  "Jimmer gives me hope that I can watch basketball again."

Of course the Hansen clan wasn't the only group converted to Jimmerism last night. ESPN personality Bill Simmons, NBA Rookie of the Year candidate John Wall, point guard Steve Nash, rapper Nelly and Player of the Year candidate Jared Sullinger all had shout outs for Fredette via Twitter.You see in the end it wasn't just SDSU that got Jimmered yesterday, but the entire nation as well. Perhaps no one more than NBA scoring champ Kevin Durant, who tweeted, "Jimmer Fredette is the best scorer in the world!!"

He was for one night at least.

Fredette scored a supernatural 1.1 points per minute in a game where SDSU grinded 30 seconds out of each of their possessions. This while shooting 58% from the floor, 62% from three, and 90% from the line. It may not have been as much a religious experience as an out-of-body one, but either way students still held up signs that proclaimed, "In Jimmer we trust." Whether or not the Jimmer-worship is encroaching on the first of the ten commandments is an issue for another day. That such a question exists due to a person whose name could be shortened to an incredibly average 'Jim Fred' is beyond surprising.

As for my brother, he had his own way of describing Jimmer which had little to do with removing name endings and even less to do with organized religion.

Said he in the simplest way possible, "Jimmer is a bad ass".

The Hanceys

I've been waiting a long time for 2011 to come along. 15 years in fact, ever since the fateful day when I first learned that eleven was my lucky number. But before we get ahead of ourselves looking into what could happen in this long awaited year we must first hand out hardware to the spectacular performers of 2010. And lest you think these awards are unnecessary or trivial, keep in mind that the Eclipse Awards (no relation to Twilight) just bestowed a steed named Zenyatta the Horse of the Year award. With that thought in mind and with further ado out of mind...

(Disclaimer: If you're name isn't Zac Roner, Dallin Webb, Ian Wright, The Squire Family, Jackie or Anna Johnson, Caitlyn Ellis, Hayley Dearden, Ryan Pearspn,  Nicole/Nathan/Bryan, or Bunna Veth this post may not be worth your time)


Winner of the Bob Ross award for most majestic hair follicles - Ryan Pearson (soon to be renamed the Ryan Pearson award)

Winner of the Jackie Chiles award for most enjoyable voice to listen to - Anna Johnson (I would marry those tones)

The Buzz Lightyear award for extreme number of gadgets - Jackie Johnson, owner of an iPod, a kindle, a smart phone, three computers, a DVD player and a sewing machine (I would marry those accessories)

The Paul Millsap award for most improved athlete - Zac Roner

The Yao Ming award for a promising career derailed by injury - Zac Roner (Dislocated knee cap, ligament sprain, broken back and was recently fired, to add insult to you-know-what)

The Alex Trebek award for knowing a lot of stuff and looking great with a mustache - Caitlyn Ellis (Books. Movies. Drinks. Boys. Girls. Cars. Road trips. Tennis. Shakespeare. Riverton. She knows it all)

You will do yourself a large favor if you click this link to see the uncut version of Trebek's picture

The Buffy the Vampire Slayer award for proficiency with weapons - Ian Wright

The Cosmo Kramer award for unemployed success story - Nathan Ballard (Living the high life since June 2009)

The Michael Jordan award for switching careers - Bunna Veth (In computer science we trust)

The Albus Dumbledore award for leading an army of children - Nicole Blietschau

The Morgan Grimes award for best facial hair and most loyal comrade - Climps the cat

The Christopher Columbus award for discovering foreign lands - The Squire Family (No matter how cold it gets in Idaho, do not accept any blankets from anyone)

The John Stockton award for most provocative clothing - Still belongs to John Stockton, unfortunately

The man knew how to show skin

The Ross and Rachel award for best couple - Bryan Farnsworth and WalMart

The Bryan Farnsworth award for most dapperly dressed individual - Hayley Dearden (She also has an uncanny memory for clothes people wore from years past as well ...)

The Tiger Woods award for greatest collapse -Tie: The BYU football team and Spencer's psyche after watching the collapse of the BYU football team.

The Mr. Miagi award for best hairless mentor - Dallin Webb (I will soon join you in baldness. If only I could join you in womanizing as well.)

The Lazarus award for returning from the dead - BYU football team (My love of Bronco has never been stronger)

The Lewis and Clark award for non-gay best friends - Spencer and Nathan (Take Bronco out of the picutre and that first part might change)

And finally the winner of the Idaho award for irrelevance - Spencer's blog

On Tour: Day 2

Upstaged.

If you had to select one directive to describe today's blog signing you couldn't go wrong with that one. It just so happened that I wasn't the only celebrity roaming on campus this week. To the joy of bored-students/fake-Jazz-fans everywhere, Jeff Hornacek made an appearance at Utah State yesterday. By the numbers, Jeff had some one thousand students show up for his presentation. Meanwhile the turnout for day two on the tour was not so hot - one fan arrived. I can't help but feel that a number of people who were planning to come for autographs forgot the event due to the excitement of having an NBA legend within smelling distance. Once again my thoughts turn to my PR representative. Who schedules a signing the day after a folk hero comes to town? But I suppose if I'm going to be put to shame by someone it might as well be the beloved sharp-shooter of my youth. And if I'm going to be approached for an autograph by anyone, it might as well be Caitlyn and her bag of sweettart hearts, both of which left me feeling twitterpated (or at least thinking about Twitter).

At least one person left the tour signed and satisfied

I'll say one thing for Twitter: I love what it's done for sports stars. Athletes are interviewed everyday by various media types without ever letting on to what's really going on in their heads. Yet for whatever reason, these very same reserved-when-questioned athletes are willing to disclose anything if Twitter is involved. SI writer Richard Hoffer explained it best: "Twitter ... destroys such traditional filters as time and good sense."

My two favorite athelte-related tweets are the ones involving personal feelings and jabs at opponents. Take for example Paul Pierce's tweet mocking LeBron James after the Celctic's beat the Heat in Miami: "It's been a pleasure to bring my talents to south beach". Pierce would never have made such a remark to a reporter, but he was fine sending it to Tweet-accepting devices everywhere. Same goes for LeBron, who recently tweet-taunted Cleveland after the Caveliers endured a 55-point loss to the Lakers: "Crazy. Karma is a b----. Gets you every time. It's not good to wish bad on anybody. God sees everything!"

Deity shows up frequently in Tweets. When Steve Johnson of the Bufallo Bills dropped a wide-open touchdown pass that cost the Bills the game, he opened up in a personal way - by blaming God - that traditional media could never evoke: "I praise you 24/7!!!!!! And this how you do me!!!!! You expect me to learn from this??? How???!!!I'll never forget this!! Ever!!! Thx tho..." Again, no athlete would ever reveal such personal feelings in a typical post game interview or press conference (exception: John Beck and the infamous crying incident. I refuse to link to the YouTube clip). Isn't this what we've always wanted? To truly know what an athlete is feeling after a monumental play has occurred?

The truth is athletes can range from selfish and immature to wise and and eloquent and getting a glimpse into their true thoughts is remarkable. For this I thank Twitter. But for those athletes who are too old to use the internet -- paging Jeff Hornacek -- a Q and A session like Tuesday's provides a similar opportunity to learn things that were never revealed by the questionings of traditional media. For example, until Tuesday I had never heard that Hornacek ...

- Did not believe that Michael Jordan pushed off Bryan Russell

- Will coach full time once his youngest daughter is a little older

- While playing for Phoenix, once called a Jazz fan a fat (insert swear word here). Turns out that fan was Larry Miller ("I guess I'll never get traded to Utah," Hornacek remarked once he learned who the fan was.)

- Began training Fesenko in free throw shooting on Monday (why this didn't happen sooner, no one asked surprisingly)

- Believes the Jazz's ten day layoff between sweeping the Lakers and beginning the series with the Bulls was the key factor that led to losing the Finals (Jazz lost their momentum and mojo during the break)

- Retired from the Jazz not because of his knees but because he didn't think the team would have another chance at winning the championship (I thought I was the only one that pessimistic about the Jazz)

Surprisingly the greatest revelation of the night had little to do with basketball. Believe it or not, Jeff Hornacek, prior to becoming an NBA star was a mere accountant (pretty believable actually considering his hairstyle and lack of athleticism). He had even accepted a position with a top accounting firm and told them the only way he wouldn't work for them is if he was fortunate enough to be drafted into the NBA. Well,God truly loved Jeff for he spared him from the clutches of boredom and inserted him into a job where he played a game for a living (where he learned to deal with a different type of clutch).

I relate this story because it gives me hope that I too may be similarly saved from an accounting future devoid of personality, pleasure and prosperity. Perhaps I too can be gifted an escape by making it big elsewhere. If the tour results are any indication my big break probably won't come from blogging, but I could still become famous as a model, astronaut, or maybe even a politician.

Then we'll see how I often I get upstaged.

On Tour: Day 1

Day one on the tour wasn't as great as I expected. 

No one showed. Apparently I need a new PR chief. May Logan city treat me better.

To My Readers

Good evening and welcome boys and girls, ladies and gentleman of all sizes and search engines. Although if my demographic trackers are accurate, I should be welcoming mainly girls of age 18-24, size undetermined, who primarily surf using Firefox. Whatever. I'm an equal opportunity blogger and all are welcomed here.

The reason I bring you to the computer screen this day is to thank you. Yes you, the blog reader. The person whose job is so boring you have nothing better to do than read about my deodorant application strategy. I don't know if you've heard the news, but this site is now the 20,951,584 most trafficked page in all of internet-dom! And I owe it all to you.

I am a very proud father. This blog used to be just a little fellow with few posts and even fewer followers. I didn't use pictures, references or wit. Oh how times have changed! Now, spencerhansen.blogspot is a veritable international sensation. According to the latest reports there are now some 202 million websites online, meaning this blog is among the top ten percent most viewed sites in the world! I couldn't be prouder.

This belief of course hinges on the accuracy of the website providing the ranking, one alexa.com. The site's ranking system appears trustworthy, considering it ranks Google, Facebook, and YouTube as the top three most visited domains, which seems right to me. But some of alexa's other features may not be so dependable. Consider some of the searches it generated related to spencerhansen.blogspot.com: pandora charms, baby furniture and 債務整理. But on the flip side it also suggested related searches including the Utah Jazz, cat products, and bike racks so I guess it works about fifty-fifty.

Another great tidbit I learned from alexa.com is that Wikipedia --eighth most visited site on the web, by the way -- is most popular in none other than Berlin, Germany. This might explain where Hitler found some of his more, uh, questionable beliefs. Of course I speak in jest. Everyone knows old Adolf was an askjeeves.com type of guy.

Of course he was always angry - in 1943 all they had was dial-up

Alexa.com also taught me that victoriasecret.com is most popular among college females but least popular among female graduate students (even less popular than girls with some or no college). I find this quite curious and suppose it could mean two things: 

a) The further a girl goes in school, the less time she can dedicate to intimate relations; or 

b) Girls obtaining just an undergrad degree aren't really interested in school at all;

What does all this have to do with my blog's extreme success? Nothing actually. This is just stuff I wanted to share with you that I found during my three weeks of boredom while away from school. Let's get back to the point at hand.

Today is a day of celebration and a day of expressing my appreciation. Numerous persons have contributed to the popularity of this blog. I thank my principal inspirer and brainstormer, Nathan Ballard; chief motivator, Caitlyn Ellis; blog editor, Hayley Dearden; advertisement head, John Warr; loyal commenters, Nicole Blietschau and Dallin Webb; Buffy supporters, Cassie Pickle and Niccole Franc; my parents, who never read the blog thereby making it possible for me to write about gays or peeing in sand traps without worry of censorship; Ryan Pearson, for being such a remarkable person to write about; and of course the man who invented blogging and is responsible for making me a writer of blogs, Bunna Veth. To you and the many behind the scenes readers, I give my heart filled thanks. I couldn't have become the 20.9 millionth most popular www without you.

To express my love I will be going on tour to sign any blog post you are willing to print (not to mention anything else you might want signed: body parts, posters, Facebook conversations). You can find me at The Pie Pizzeria on Saturday the 8th of January, signing from 1 to 3:00 and Wednesday January 12th in the Merrill-Cazier Library in Logan from 7 to 9:00. We request as a courtesy to the crowds that you take no more than 30 seconds to meet the author and have your paraphernalia signed (no pictures, please).

I look forward to hearing you say how great it is to meet me. See you soon.