The Missionary Movement

Unless I someday have two sets of octuplets within 18 to 24 months of each other, I'll never know as many people who are about to leave on missions (or recently left) as I do right now.

The list kicks off with the females ...

The girl I dated:
Brooke Deem (Mendoza, Argentina)

A girl I went on a few dates with:
Kalie Vickers (Independence, Missouri)

A girl I could have gone on a date with but was too slow in pursuing:
Elizabeth Cosper (Nashville, Tennessee)

A girl that lived with the girl I dated:
Jenny Adams (Philippines)

And a girl I worked with (alas, no dating ties here):
Megan Hanselman (LA, California - hopefully she has to teach a lot of sad Laker fans ...)

Then on the male side of things there's the fellows I lived with ...

DJ Stringham (Vina del Mar, Chile - that lucky jerk)
CJ Stringham, unrelated to DJ, and exact opposites size wise (Manchester, England)
Ben Workman (Destination to be determined)
Kye McLeary (Copenhagen, Denmark)
Jordan Stenquist (Mecaio, Brazil)
Johnny Harper (somehwere in Canada)
Collen Mortensen (Berlin, Germany - though I'm not sure that that is the correct mission or the correct name spelling; we played Halo more together than we actually talked to each other.)

... a beloved Peruvian who slept on our couch ...
Franco Arellano (Lima, Peru - fittingly)

... and a guy I drove out of our apartment due to my uncleanliness (I still haven't gotten over this, by the way):
Adam Peterson (Philippines)

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As for this fab fourteen, they have two things in common:

A) They realized I was cool and chose to become my friends

B) They are all studs

I'll admit that point A is probably false; B on the other hand is most definitely true. Each of these fourteen are extraordinary. We're talking about successful (Brooke), intelligent (DJ), attractive (Franco) 19- to 21-year olds who have the means to pursue virtually anything they could want in the whole world, and what do they choose to do?

Teach the message of the Restored Gospel.

Dump the world and what it has to offer. This group opts to trade family, friends and comfort for blisters, sweaty pits and rejection - just for a shot at telling someone that they know God called Joseph Smith to be a prophet.

I've never been good at expressing my feelings, but you 14 have to know how impressed I am by you (a true feat, considering I usually am only impressed by BYU football and Stephen Colbert). Your willingness to sacrifice the immediate future for service to God inspires me. That's the one part of this exodus that benefits me - a shlum like myself needs all the inspiration he can get. Thus my thanks for your examples.

Still, being an overly-sappy fellow, I'll miss you all. None more than my four freshman roomies of course.
  

Really, who'd have thought that living with pure freshman as a senior in college would turn out to be one of the best decisions I've ever made?


I didn't. 


But it was.

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So how do you end a somewhat random, semi-mushy, 14-person tribute? I figured the best bet would be to just simply wish everyone luck, but I quickly realized that'd be unnecessary.

You're good enough already.

The Quest for Manhood

I've never been in a fight before.

Could be that I'm a wuss.
Or could be that I'm a master of public relations.

Could be cause my grandma has bigger muscles than me.
Or could be due to growing up with a Ghandi disciple (Bunna Veth) as my best friend.

You can decide why I've never fought, cause I can't figure it out. All I know is that someday I will need to become a man, and in order to become a man I'm required to beat up another man (see Boy Scout Handbook, pg. 313).

So naturally I obtained a punching bag.

The bag serves two purposes:

Purpose 1 - (The obvious reason) To learn to fight.

I foresee four possibilities in which I might be forced to throw fists at someone.

Scenario a) Attending the BYU-Utah football game, I'm attacked by a drunk Ute fan.

Scenario b) Attending the BYU-USU football game, I'm attacked by a sober Aggie fan (they don't need booze to lose their minds in Logan)

Scenario c) Working at Hillcrest's After School Club, I'm attacked by a crazed parent because I high-fived their child (parents don't like their kids being touched by terrorist look-a-likes).

Scenario d) I meet Pau Gasol.

A fist to the face could only improve your appearance, Pau.

Purpose 2 - (The less obvious reason for the punching bag) To find my dream girl. 

Allow for explanation. I recently realized that I'm attracted to girls that can knock people out (Buffy, Agent Walker for example; see Up Chuck for further detail). By having a punching bag, I can now bring dates to the house and get a taste of how good they'd be at clobbering someone. A try out of sorts to see if they can become the new girls of my dreams. Prince Charming knew Cinderella by the shoe that fit - I'll know my girl by the one who best hits. 

Which reminds me, uh, Maddie Cloward, I was, uh, just wondering if you wanted to maybe come see the new house sometime,  you know, just to check it out is all ...

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. The best thing about the punching bag is that it doesn't matter which of these two purposes actually gets fulfilled. I could beat up a guy or get a girl, it doesn't matter which - either way I'll end up a man.

The Admirable Harvey Unga

Harvey Unga had the most prolific career of any running back in the history of BYU football. Sadly, he may end up being remembered most for his recent honor code violation and forfeited senior year. As for me, I hope that he will be remembered for something more.

The fact that he confessed.

The more I think about it, the more impressed I am by Harvey's admission of guilt. Here's my reasoning: I'm pretty certain that Harvey's screw up with his girlfriend wasn't known to the general public before his announcement. This was a private matter. A two person error. He could have easily concealed whatever rule he broke for a few more months to ensure that he kept playing. Who would've found him out? (True, I don't go to BYU, but a source close to the program informs me that there is not a CSI team that seeks out sin among the student body).  He could've gone on as if nothing were wrong and finished his schooling and senior football season. So why confess? Why give himself up? In this era of entitlement, why was Harvey willing to step up (or step down, really) and admit he may not deserve the chance to fulfill his dreams?

Two possibilities:

A) Because he knew he would eventually be found out; or

B) Because he believes in the principle of integrity.

If you're a BYU fan-boy like I am, you're prone to believe he confessed because of reason B. If that is indeed the case, consider how much Harvey sacrificed by admitting to having broken the honor code:

1. Statistical Immortality. Had Harvey played his senior year and rushed for at least 1,000 yards (a virtual lock to have happened), he would have become only the ninth player in college football history to have rushed for 1,000 yards in four straight years. In the last 80 years over 28,000 athletes have suited up at the running back spot and not accomplished that. Harvey would've inscribed his names in the record books with the all-time greats had he returned.

Among the many reasons the red-headed lover loved Harvey so much was this: a Ute destroyer, Harvey ran for 373 yards and 4 TD's in his three games vs. the U.

2. Future Career. By losing his senior year at BYU, Harvey gave up an additional year of TV exposure which could have improved his chances of being selected in the NFL draft. Now Unga's football future depends on being selected in the league's supplemental draft (a draft so irrelevant, it's completed via email). Historically one player per year is picked up in the supplemental draft. What this means for Unga is he's a) less likely to make it to an NFL team; and b) guaranteed to get less money.

3. His reputation. I don't know about you, but the last time I confessed a sin USA Today didn't run an article about it. And it wasn't debated on sports radio for a week. And it didn't evoke hundreds of comments on the state newspapers. Just sayin'. 

4. The dream. Harvey could have entered the real NFL draft last spring, but decided for some reason to come back to BYU for his final year. Yet whatever dreams he had in store for the year 2010 died when he admitted to breaking the honor code with his girlfriend.

Why not just lie? Why give it all up? Is honesty really worth the price of reputation, dreams, and hundreds of thousands of dollars?

For Harvey, apparently it was.

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I will remember Harvey for his crushing hits. For his his dominance against Utah. For his romp through the record books. But his example of integrity may be what I remember most of all.