A Personal Note

I'd have held on to a lot more grudges during my life if I knew that getting revenge felt this good.

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I don't consider myself a man of many enemies, but once upon a time a guy pissed me off. A lot. 

During a run-of-the-mill, no stakes game of ultimate frisbee, this fellow flattened my red-headed lover, Brooke Deem. As the red-headed lover jumped for the frisbee, the punk shoulder-slammed her to the ground like a middle linebacker would break a crossing wide receiver in half. Perhaps I made the wrong choice in not pummeling the jerk right then and there, but I decided to try and take down the enemy with an "accidental collision" of my own. Only I'd be going in fists first instead of shoulders. Alas, the opportunity never came.

Until today. Nine months later.

Sports, again, was the channel of conflict. Thanks to some purposely missed free throws, I found myself on the opposite team of this past offender. Vengeance was swift. My enemy's 2nd shot attempt? I swatted it so hard that the ball made out with his face. It wasn't long before I posterized the fool with another block. Then another. And one more for good measure. Four blocks, all against the same guy, in a single game, one of which was more like a volleyball smash into his teeth than an actual block. Yes, payback is wonderful.

The first swat was for Brooke. The second one was for her as well. The third was for me. And the fourth was just my way of saying, "You can go ahead and pick your nuts off the floor and head home now." Go home he did. And so did I. Happier than I'd been in quite some time.

Thus I am left with two things to say:
1) Sports rock.
2) So does getting revenge.

Feelings Dump

It was the indestructible John Casey of Chuck lore who staunched one of Chuck's emotional spills by saying, "I don't even care about my own feelings, why would I care about yours?"

I am not John Casey.  Unfortunately.

I care about my own feelings. If you don't (which is expected), then you know where to go.

Today I talk about the worst thing to ever befall  me.  It happened two weeks ago.  And last July.  And during May of last year, of course.  Not to mention July 12th of 2007.  And it will transpire again, no doubt.

The curse I speak of is that of making friends, followed by losing friends.  It's the worst of all life cycles (take that, menstrual).  No one is immune.

I despise losing friends.  Perhaps I'm overly sentimental about past memories.  Maybe I just get too used to the people I'm around.  I'm not sure what reason follows the why, just that when a cause for friendship separation occurs, I'm unsettled.  At my current age, these amistad-enders fall into three categories: missions, moves, and marriages (a murderers row of relationship killers - minus actual murder).  As I become more aged, undoubtedly the list will become less alliterative but remain just as powerful.  Co-workers leaving me behind, people shuffling within neighborhoods, not to mention the most powerful relationship stopper of them all - death.

In reality I should be grateful.  If a diminished friendship is the worst beating I'm expected to take then it's apparent I've lived a blessed, easy life, no doubt about it.  The closest I've come to cancer is via horoscope.  The only thing that's ever been robbed from me is my hair.  The one time I was attacked by someone a feisty member of the Warr clan dropped my opponent with one shove.

So, no, life hasn't been bad.  But losing friends -- however it happens -- sucks.

The only type of blind I like

I've always wondered what life would be like if I were a girl.

The pros:
-I would be attractive.
-I would smell good.

The cons:
-I would cry a lot
-I wouldn't be able to lift things.

That being said, I've had many opportunities to experience at least one aspect of the girl lifestyle without having to undergo any sort of unnatural surgery.

Behold, the blind date.

Of all the different types of dates (1st dates, 2nd dates, 3rd dates) the blind date is by far the best of the bunch. The reason why? On all the blind dates I've been a part of, I have been the equivalent of the girl in the dating process.The activities were planned for me. I was picked up. I was asked if I wanted to go on the date. I was dropped off. And maybe most amazing of all, I've even been paid for while on the blind date.

It's been glorious.

I bring up my love of the blind date because the majority of people I know are firmly set in their anti-blind date mentality. I don't  understand the bitter sentiments towards blind dates. What is better than going out with someone you have minimal ties to? If things go bad during the outing you can avoid seeing that person ever again without changing a single element of your daily routine. It's the easiest way to size someone up while offering the most minimal level of commitment possible.

Really, which of these two scenarios would you prefer:

a) You ask out a girl you know, you have a bad date, then you have awkward interactions every time you see her after that; or
b) You're set up with a girl you've never seen before, you have a bad date, and then things are eternally ended with a conversation akin to this:

Me: "Well, I had a fun time tonight, but not a fun enough time that I want to go on another date with you. Fortunately I don't feel bad about saying that because I'll never see you again. So, have a nice life."

Her: "Couldn't have said it better myself. And for future reference, it's not cool to talk about your cat on a first date."

I admit that not all is well with the blind date of course. In fact it has constantly failed me in one key area: no blind date has led me to the promised land of true love and BYU football-esque happiness. But, please, as far as I'm concerned, keep the blind dates coming.

Not because I'm desperate for true love.
But because I'm more than happy to live the girl lifestyle every now and again.

Yup, Another Decade in Review

All around the web I read about the highlights of the decade.

Best sports star of the decade (Albert Pujols).
Best story of the decade (Steven Colbert sponsors U.S Olympians).
Best looking-person of the decade (Bob Costas).

Well, it only makes sense that I add to the nostalgia by recounting various highlights of the past ten years.

(Spoiler alert: Unless your name is Bryan Farnsworth, Nathan Ballard, Cassie Pickle, Bunna Veth, Ryan Pearson, or Doug Horne this blog probably isn't worth your time)

Best Athletic Performance of the decade:    
Nathan Ballard torches West Lake in game 4 of epic series on his birthday

Worst Athletic Performance of the decade: 
Nathan Ballard bowls a 41 during a high school competition.

Most romantic moment:                              
Bryan Farnsworth in the North Salt Lake shrubs. With a girl.

Best book:                                                 
The Book Thief

Worst book:                                     
John Amaechi Unzipped: tales of a gay NBA star

Saddest Moment:                             
LaVell Edwards' retirement

Happiest Moment:                                      
Birth of Climps

Turning point of the decade:                        
Nathan Ballard overcomes racism, befriends Bunna and Spencer.

Best decision of the decade:                       
Spencer's parents go to high-speed internet (barely made deadline, occured Fall 2009)

Second best decision of the decade:
Bunna decides to grow a mustache.

Best Mustache of the decade:                    
Bunna Veth.

Worst decision of the decade:                    
Sorry Landon.

Best Networking moment:                         
Bunna lunches with Larry H. Miller

Most Dramatic moment:                            
Farnsworth nearly dies jumping off ice-cliff during hike.

Best hair of the decade:                             
Douglas Horne

Teacher of the decade:                              
Cassie Pickle. (I would still be patting girls on the back during hugs if it weren't for you)

Best debate of the decade:                        
Tie: How much does Zac Roner really weigh? Are Spencer and Nathan gay? (Answers: Don't know and no)

Sexiest moment:                                       
Tie: Bryan Farnsworth in Under armour playing Basketball. Seigfried and Roy visit Logan city.

Least surprising end to the decade:            
Ryan Pearson remains unwed.

Biggest surprise to end the decade:           
Ryan Pearson reamains alive.

Biggest let-down of the decade:                
Spencer starts a blog.