Accounting stinks.
If I had my way in life, I'd give up the financial statements and pocket protector and start studying to become a teacher or a journalist. Bury all my accounting goods with the L.A. clippers is what I'd say (on second thought, let me keep the pocket protector). So why you ask have I chosen to follow the accounting lifestyle instead of perusing things I actually like?
The truth is sad, but I can’t avoid declaring it: I need money like a bear needs honey. Money. Money. Money. With it, I can do things I like (e.g. be a journalist); without it I have to do things I don’t like(e.g. shower with my roommate Nathan to save water costs).
Maybe if the economy were wearing a parachute I wouldn't be so worried about my financial future. But when the stock market is losing millions of dollars with regularity, and jobs are drying up like raisins, I become scared. So my only reasonable option was to exchange my potential happiness for financial security. Call it a sacrifice I guess. Or call it greed. I won't argue either way. I can't. Money commands my actions. Arguing, for example, requires energy. To have energy, I must eat, and to eat, I must pay. Being unable to pay, I am unable to argue. The hoarding of money determines my every decision.
Nobody knows this better than my former red-headed lover, Brooke Deem. Our relationship was five months of dating bliss; then I checked up on my finances. I calculated that during our time together I had spent over $35 on our relationship. When I realized that I was spending nearly $7 a month on happiness and joy, I knew our journey was at its end. It’s this same need to save money that has driven me to steal toilet paper from public bathrooms and lick rocks to gain sodium.
Maybe if I were living in the 1950's I could afford to be a journalist, a teacher, or a dater, but not in this day and age. I've always thought that I was born in the wrong era, and not just because the economy provided more hope back in the 'good old days'. My slow driving, my dislike for loud music, and my love for the newspaper make me a natural candidate to have been born circa 1950. Alas, 2008 and a future full of communism is to be my fate.
Things look grim. Some have even asked why save money if there is nothing worth investing in. Well, fortunately there remains one thing that gives a worthwhile rate of return. It was early September when I spent a paltry $10 to attend the BYU-UCLA game. On any given day I’d be willing to pay $10 just to enter LaVell Edwards Stadium, but on a day when BYU won 59-0 the joy received for the money spent was truly a worthy investment.
Thank you, BYU. At least I can afford to follow one of my loves.
new header
October 29, 2008
October 17, 2008
College Football: The Crucible
During the three years leading up to my departure for Chile, BYU's football team looked like it would challenge Utah State for the worst program in the nation. After going 28 years without a losing season, the Cougs went 5-7, 4-8, and 5-6 from 2002 to 2004. Breath had to be held when playing awful teams such as New Mexico and Wyoming. UNLV, a team BYU had lost to once in 12 games, beat the Cougars twice in a three year span, both times in the once untouchable home field of LaVell Edwards Stadium. In one of those losses BYU fumbled six times.Six times!?! At home? To UNLV? Hard to believe, but it really happened.
Then there were the debacles against Utah. Four straight years the Utes proudly wore the rivalry crown. A 3-0 victory for Utah in 2002 was the lowlight. And forget about close games. The Cougs couldn't pull off a close one for any reason. From 2002 to the beginning of 2006, the Cougs lost 10 games by 4 points or fewer.
Then, on September 28, 2006, something changed for the BYU football team. They were to play #15 TCU on the road in a game they had no business winning. BYU hadn't beaten a ranked team on the road in nine years, and with TCU having held offensive power Texas Tech to just three points the week before, things looked grim for the Y.
I lived in Chile when this game was played, so I can't detail what exactly happened. I've seen the highlights though, I've read the papers, and this much I can tell you: the BYU football program began its return to glory that night. Riding John Beck's passing prowess and Cam Jensen's defensive intensity, the Cougs beat TCU, 31-17, and it wasn't even as close as that score might indicate. In just one game, BYU collectively buried four years of frustration, failure,and self-doubt and began the return to dominance.
What a difference one game can make.
Since that day, BYU won back-to-back conference championships,won back-to-back bowl games, won 18 conference games in a row, ascended to a top-ten ranking, and led the nation with 16 straight wins. BYU was rolling.
Until last night.
Embarassed, walloped, out-played, sacked,run over -- you could use any of these words to describe what TCU did to the Cougs last night. BYU hadn't been beaten that bad since 2005.
And now?
BCS.Gone.
15 million dollars. Gone.
National respect. Gone.
Mountain West Championship. Gone.
16-game winning streak. Gone.
National title hopes. Gone.
What a difference one game can make.
Then there were the debacles against Utah. Four straight years the Utes proudly wore the rivalry crown. A 3-0 victory for Utah in 2002 was the lowlight. And forget about close games. The Cougs couldn't pull off a close one for any reason. From 2002 to the beginning of 2006, the Cougs lost 10 games by 4 points or fewer.
Then, on September 28, 2006, something changed for the BYU football team. They were to play #15 TCU on the road in a game they had no business winning. BYU hadn't beaten a ranked team on the road in nine years, and with TCU having held offensive power Texas Tech to just three points the week before, things looked grim for the Y.
I lived in Chile when this game was played, so I can't detail what exactly happened. I've seen the highlights though, I've read the papers, and this much I can tell you: the BYU football program began its return to glory that night. Riding John Beck's passing prowess and Cam Jensen's defensive intensity, the Cougs beat TCU, 31-17, and it wasn't even as close as that score might indicate. In just one game, BYU collectively buried four years of frustration, failure,and self-doubt and began the return to dominance.
What a difference one game can make.
Since that day, BYU won back-to-back conference championships,won back-to-back bowl games, won 18 conference games in a row, ascended to a top-ten ranking, and led the nation with 16 straight wins. BYU was rolling.
Until last night.
Embarassed, walloped, out-played, sacked,run over -- you could use any of these words to describe what TCU did to the Cougs last night. BYU hadn't been beaten that bad since 2005.
And now?
BCS.Gone.
15 million dollars. Gone.
National respect. Gone.
Mountain West Championship. Gone.
16-game winning streak. Gone.
National title hopes. Gone.
What a difference one game can make.
October 13, 2008
The day I was a sister missionary
Being a missionary was great.
Being a sister missionary was not.
The change in calling came one week into my MTC experience. My companion was called to be District Leader and after passing his interview the District President sat me down for an interview of my own.
Him: Elder Hansen, you know I've interviewed a lot of bishops, Stake presidents, folk of that nature during my day.
Me: yup, I do.
Him: And you know I've talked with all of their wives as well.
Me: yup, I do.
Him: Well I'm going to ask you to fullfill the same role for E. Seegmiller as these wives did for their husbands.
Me: Huh?
Him: You know, support him, counsel with him, love him...
Me:(interrupting )Er, I don't know if...
Him:(interrupting)Oh, I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Me:(silent)
Only four days as a missionary and my manliness had been taken from me. Sadly, it was only the first of four such incidents in which I felt like a sister missionary.
When the MTC days were finished, I rejoiced. 24 weeks passed and I had all but forgotten my time as a girl. I guess God thought it was time for a refresher course.
"Do you want to be the Young Women's Volleyball coach?"
This was a question they hadn't trained me to answer in the MTC.
"Uh, I don't think that I'm allowed to be the Young Women's Volleyball coach. I'm just a missionary. Anyway, wouldn't it make more sense to have someone from the Young Women be the coach ?"
Things rarely make sense in Chile.
We made it to the championship game before falling to an under(wo)manned team of four she-goliaths. The steroid charges are still being investigated.
2nd-place trophy in hand, I was now certain that my female days had come to an end. Nope. I was sent to be the sidekick of a missionary who was serving as Branch President. During our first day he gave me a document which explained my new duties. As companion to the Branch President I was to serve as:
- his 1st counselor
- his 2nd counselor
- his wife
While I couldn't believe what I was reading, my companion couldn't believe I didn't laugh.
Him: Hey, I was joking about the wife thing you know?
Me: Sure, I know. I just don't joke about that kind of thing. Had a bad experience in the past.
Him: A bad experience being a wife? Good one.You must be a funny guy, aren't you?
Me: (silent)
It took time but I eventually got used to being a girl. I even chose to become the young women's president of the branch. Maybe that brake down in protocol explains why I was punished by being sent to the office to take on yet another unmanly duty, that of secretary.
Whenever I've talked about missions with others, invariably someone has bragged about being a zone leader or baptizing lots of people. I, on the other hand, brag about being a two-time wife, a young women's volleyball coach, a young women's president, and a secretary. Somehow these other guys always end up appearing cooler than me.
That's why the next time I serve a mission, I plan on being the husband.
Being a sister missionary was not.
The change in calling came one week into my MTC experience. My companion was called to be District Leader and after passing his interview the District President sat me down for an interview of my own.
Him: Elder Hansen, you know I've interviewed a lot of bishops, Stake presidents, folk of that nature during my day.
Me: yup, I do.
Him: And you know I've talked with all of their wives as well.
Me: yup, I do.
Him: Well I'm going to ask you to fullfill the same role for E. Seegmiller as these wives did for their husbands.
Me: Huh?
Him: You know, support him, counsel with him, love him...
Me:(interrupting )Er, I don't know if...
Him:(interrupting)Oh, I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Me:(silent)
Only four days as a missionary and my manliness had been taken from me. Sadly, it was only the first of four such incidents in which I felt like a sister missionary.
When the MTC days were finished, I rejoiced. 24 weeks passed and I had all but forgotten my time as a girl. I guess God thought it was time for a refresher course.
"Do you want to be the Young Women's Volleyball coach?"
This was a question they hadn't trained me to answer in the MTC.
"Uh, I don't think that I'm allowed to be the Young Women's Volleyball coach. I'm just a missionary. Anyway, wouldn't it make more sense to have someone from the Young Women be the coach ?"
Things rarely make sense in Chile.
We made it to the championship game before falling to an under(wo)manned team of four she-goliaths. The steroid charges are still being investigated.
My career record as a coach - 2 wins, one loss
2nd-place trophy in hand, I was now certain that my female days had come to an end. Nope. I was sent to be the sidekick of a missionary who was serving as Branch President. During our first day he gave me a document which explained my new duties. As companion to the Branch President I was to serve as:
- his 1st counselor
- his 2nd counselor
- his wife
While I couldn't believe what I was reading, my companion couldn't believe I didn't laugh.
Him: Hey, I was joking about the wife thing you know?
Me: Sure, I know. I just don't joke about that kind of thing. Had a bad experience in the past.
Him: A bad experience being a wife? Good one.You must be a funny guy, aren't you?
Me: (silent)
It took time but I eventually got used to being a girl. I even chose to become the young women's president of the branch. Maybe that brake down in protocol explains why I was punished by being sent to the office to take on yet another unmanly duty, that of secretary.
Whenever I've talked about missions with others, invariably someone has bragged about being a zone leader or baptizing lots of people. I, on the other hand, brag about being a two-time wife, a young women's volleyball coach, a young women's president, and a secretary. Somehow these other guys always end up appearing cooler than me.
That's why the next time I serve a mission, I plan on being the husband.
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